Posted by: Jen
So my dashing boyfriend got free all access passes to the Tribeca Film Festival yesterday and of course this meant we HAD to see as many movies as humanly possible to get our "money's worth" (aka: see more movies than the passes were originally worth, even though we got them for free) . It started out with grand plans of seeing a movie at 10am. On a Sunday morning. Right. That didn't exactly work out, but I made fabulous omelettes and proved that although I make a lot of spaghetti, that is not ALL I can cook.
Anyway, we ended up seeing three movies, all of which were at least watching once. And now, my completely professional reviews of each:
Ball Don't Lie: A story about a boy nicknamed Sticky, who has definitely been dealt the shit hand at life. Let's review: life with a prostitute mother (with a heart of gold) who he later finds murdered in a bathtub, followed by a life shuttled in and out of different foster care homes (in one Rosanna Arquette is his mother and she gets cancer and WOW did I cry), a pregnant girlfriend and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to boot. However, Sticky is really good at basketball and triumphs over all!!! Go see it, even though I basically just told you the whole story. Nothing is better than a chick flick disguised as a sports movie; re: The Mighty Ducks.
Also, Ludacris has a small role as social worker and ANYTHING with Luda is worth watching. Did your brain just explode at the idea of Rosanna and Luda working on the same project? Oh, it gets better: hey Nick Cannon as a gangster child beating asshole! Yeah. It gets 4 out of 5 Popcorn Kernels (this is my newly devised, highly scientific rating system that I made up 2 seconds ago).
An Omar Broadway Film: Omar Broadway is a Bloods member who manages to sneak a camcorder into the maximum security prison in Newark in order to document the "guard brutality" that takes place there. Instead he manages to make himself, and all involved look like whiny assholes (especially his mother, who seemed to be totally out of touch with reality and totally forget that her son is a violent criminal).
I feel like I might have to turn in my Liberal Card based off of my reaction to this film, seriously, and it is blowing my mind. Basically, Omar and his cell-mate Buddy are bad bad people who play the victim card so hard once they are in jail -- even though I am fairly certain they would totally take my wallet if given the chance. They complain about their human rights being violated and to an extent they are; I would NEVER condone beating someone who is unarmed like the guards in the film did, but at the same time the little annoying voice in the back of my head (the one that also says Ron Paul is not that offensive) is kind of like "Uh you're in jail for multiple violent crimes! Suck it up cry baby!"
I guess the thing that got me was that even though the guards used excessive force it was always provoked by some kind of outburst (be it violent or not) by the inmate. Yeah, ok, don't listen to the guys in charge and then expect a medal. Right.
So yeah, I think Omar's point was to outrage people to the point where maximum security lock down would suddenly be changed into something similar to summer camp, but instead he just sounded stupid (especially when he tried to sell his story to various media outlets, most of which could give a damn). I mean if Fox 5 with Rosanna and Ernie don't care, then you're pretty much on your own. I give this film 2 Popcorn Kernels and a half a gummy worm for dramatic flair.
Idiots and Angels: A dark cartoon (great to look at) about a really bad man who suddenly grows angel wings. Basically everyone in the movie, except for the stereotypical hot blond (Boo! Give us a complex female character lead!), are awful awful people, all who want to benefit from the wings except for our hero, who only wants to chop them off.
It kind of turns into a freaky love story involving self amputation and the bombing of every bar in the city with some reincarnation sprinkled in for fun. I'm not sure what it meant, and I wish I had smoked before because then I would totally have all of the answers. I give it 3 Popcorn Kernels, but I bet someone smart who is in to this kind of thing would give it 5.
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