Brain Break!

Posted by: Kim

I'm working on a Sunday, whooo! And here I thought I was going to be living the lush Life of the In-Between while I start my professional self over for the ... wait ... third? fourth? ... time in four years, but no. Anyway, while wandering around my office unable to complete any work because it's Sunday, I stumbled upon one of MSN's lead features of the day, the one about outrageous resume lies. They follow:

1. Candidate claimed to be a member of the Kennedy family
2. Applicant invented a school that did not exist
3. Job seeker submitted a résumé with someone else's photo inserted into the document
4. Candidate claimed to be a member of Mensa
5. Applicant claimed to have worked for the hiring manager before, but never had
6. Job seeker claimed to be the CEO of a company when he was an hourly employee
7. Candidate listed military experience dating back to before he was born
8. Job seeker included samples of work, which were actually those of the interviewer
9. Candidate claimed to have been a professional baseball player

They're all pretty spectacular. What would be better? A combo. I'm considering sending, for kicks, a job application in which I market myself by using the name Kimberley Kennedy, including a picture of Gisele and claiming to have played center field for the Tampa Bay Rays in 1972, before I, or they, or Gisele, was born, whilst simultaneously serving as CEO of Dunkin' Donuts AND boasting the highest IQ in Mensa. And I attended whatever school those Harry Potter kids went to.

Really? Why do people bother? I mean, I know we've all heard enough rumors about what employers are looking for that it pretty much boils down to EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER DONE being worthless, but, still.

I say just work on being pretty. Pretty people get things.