Why Is My Boyfriend NOT An Agreeable Lifesize Ken Doll?

Posted by: Jen

No for real, hear me out. I am not trying to give my boyfriend (henceforth known as MB for My Boyfriend) a makeover and I think he is 100% fine (FINE! Roar!) but sometimes I really wish he would take a tip or two from me. For instance, while MB dresses completely appropriately most of the time excluding every weekend between Memorial Day 2007 and Labor Day 2007 in which he wore a bathing suit as shorts, I just wish he would believe me about the simple things, like checks. Or purple. Or a shoe that is not square toed and black.

Case in point, my little friend from Jamaica, Queens:

I would send MB to work like that, clearly, with a little bit of tailoring as it would not fall like that on his slight British frame. But yeah, mismatched suit! Color. Thanks for doing the world a service Fifty (Fitty? Oh, lolz!) and showing that men can wear pink and look badass.

Also, I refuse to beleive the whole "pink is for gay men and girls" thing. Own it boys, especially if you have the right complexion for it! MB does not, which is why I encourage purple in his case. But seriously, why do you guys want to go around looking like a recently graduated Sigma Nu brother in a blue shirt and yellow tie? You are doing yourselves -- nay, THE WORLD -- a huge disservice!

Lastly, as I know a mismatched suit with pink accents and pointy shoes is completely out of the question for dear MB, I have suggested the following shoes to him, worn a la Ferris:

SEE? YES! This is seriously ALL I want and MB refuses to believe me. It looks hot. WHY does he doubt me? Also, that pic above is how I picture MB and I when we are 40, btw. I will have broken him by then...