Happy Valentine's Day!

Posted by: Kim

I love Valentine's Day! I know, you're shocked. Anyway, since I can't give you Godiva, I'll give you a win and a fail from the Heart Truth Red Dress Show, because what is better than the beginning of Fashion Week and bright red? Right? Right.

WIN:

Hilary Duff, in Donna Karan. She looks so elegant! And adult! And this dress is basically Kate Winslet's royal blue one from Whatever Awards Show A Few Days Or Weeks Ago, except minus the weird draping or whatever it was that was happening at the bottom, which is to say it improves upon something that was already pretty good! Excellent.

And, FAIL:

Oh, my. I sincerely hope Amanda Bynes is more graceful than I am (highly likely), because if I tried to strut the catwalk in this negligee-pretending-to-be-a-dress, the front row would most certainly be getting up close and personal with my ... undergarments. Anyway, apparently Swarovski designed this for the show. I didn't know Swarovski designed anything except crystal, actually, and I'm thinking maybe the world would be a better place if I were correct. Oh well. At least Amanda's got the legs to pull this off (and I have a vague apprehension she probably didn't get to choose this dress for herself anyway, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt), though I would like to point out that if she were wearing tights, "TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS!" would be rampant among critiques of this look, but, um, she's not even doing that. Eep.

Not Trying To Start An East Coast/West Coast Thing, But...

Posted by: Jen

I am desperately trying not to channel my inner Biggie and lash out at a metaphorical Tupac, but COME ON PEOPLE, must I really point this out?! Fashion Capitals of the world: London, Paris, Milan and NEW YORK. Is L.A. mentioned as one? No? Does L.A. have a sad, sad little fashion week in which Lauren Conrad debuts her latest line of jersey dresses weeks after the Chanel show in Paris and Marc Jacobs in New York? YES.

Sorry guys, when it comes to knowing how to dress yourself without velour, New York wins. ALWAYS. I'm sorry if I never learned to appreciate highlights and piling on millions of trendy accessories; blame it on the cold weather, I just don't see it.

Now, I know there will be the haters who will all be like, "Bitch! I love my Juicy and you don't know anything!" so I am providing photographic evidence:

Yes. Here we have adorable Shenae Grimes acting a fool in my grandfather's sweater, velvet sweat pants and SPARKLY Uggs! jdkajdakljdllaldk! And we cannot say that such a concoction of random clothing is a rare event. It is not. Scan any celebrity photo blog and you will see many people (ok, all famous, but I'm thinking the non-famous people follow suit) in L.A. dressed in exactly the same manner.

And now, to drive my point home, not meaning to hate on the 90210 girls because I like that show and I think they are great and pretty, but I would like to be their stylist because they need a tiny bit of help, I give you Annalyne McCord and her sisters:

Whaaaaaaat? What's this? Leggings with a shirt that is clearly not a dress? A boob crushing vest with jodhpurs? Liquid leggings with some kind of religious scarf? Oh dear god, a Forever 21 exploded all over them, it's a miracle they weren't killed!

So, self righteous commentators professing that I know nothing and being from New York is somehow unfortunate for my sense of style, there you have it, proof! Nobody goes out like this in New York, ever. Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

Dear Paris Hilton, Why?

Posted by: Jen

Oh Paris, for someone who shops like, ALL THE TIME, you really suck at it. Let's review:

1. Weird freaky faux belt shirt resembling an ugly belt that I would not wear if it were real, let alone drawn on to a shirt. Why do you want a fake belt "belting" your boobs?

2. An A-Line business-y skirt that almost covers your knee? Are you going for a job interview at the ugly shirt store?

3. OMG, no -- OMFG!!!1 -- ARE THOSE RED PATENT SLINGBACKS WITH TIGHTS? Dear Jesus, when did you become a 75 year old woman?!

Why Is My Boyfriend NOT An Agreeable Lifesize Ken Doll?

Posted by: Jen

No for real, hear me out. I am not trying to give my boyfriend (henceforth known as MB for My Boyfriend) a makeover and I think he is 100% fine (FINE! Roar!) but sometimes I really wish he would take a tip or two from me. For instance, while MB dresses completely appropriately most of the time excluding every weekend between Memorial Day 2007 and Labor Day 2007 in which he wore a bathing suit as shorts, I just wish he would believe me about the simple things, like checks. Or purple. Or a shoe that is not square toed and black.

Case in point, my little friend from Jamaica, Queens:

I would send MB to work like that, clearly, with a little bit of tailoring as it would not fall like that on his slight British frame. But yeah, mismatched suit! Color. Thanks for doing the world a service Fifty (Fitty? Oh, lolz!) and showing that men can wear pink and look badass.

Also, I refuse to beleive the whole "pink is for gay men and girls" thing. Own it boys, especially if you have the right complexion for it! MB does not, which is why I encourage purple in his case. But seriously, why do you guys want to go around looking like a recently graduated Sigma Nu brother in a blue shirt and yellow tie? You are doing yourselves -- nay, THE WORLD -- a huge disservice!

Lastly, as I know a mismatched suit with pink accents and pointy shoes is completely out of the question for dear MB, I have suggested the following shoes to him, worn a la Ferris:

SEE? YES! This is seriously ALL I want and MB refuses to believe me. It looks hot. WHY does he doubt me? Also, that pic above is how I picture MB and I when we are 40, btw. I will have broken him by then...

We Did Not Write This Book, But We Could Have

Posted by: Jen

I don't really know why someone felt the need to write this book, but in honor of my favorite accessory, I totally condone it. I am more of a "wrap it around your neck regardless of whether or not it is cold" kind of girl, while Kim will tie it in her hair a la Zombie Popular Serena in last week's GG (albeit not as hippie). I really can't think of 97 more ways, but hey, points on creativity, and at $13.57 it's a steal on Amazon (I'm guessing it's not really a big seller as most people are all, "Scarf. Neck. Duh." but whatever, I love scarves!).

http://www.amazon.com/Ways-Cut-Rock-Your-Scarf/dp/0307395677

Icing On The Cake...

Posted by: Jen

Katy Perry annoys me. Really, her shitty song, her general attitude, and the fact that she is totes posing with Miley Cyrus as if it is awesome. It is really mostly her shitty song that annoys me though, which is all kinds of wrong lyrics-wise, as well as musically because it grates on my ears. Anyway, what is this? A floral onesie/bathingsuit to wear on the red carpet? Katy, only BLAKE can wear a onesie (and Rachel B., and I would probably attempt it if I found a well fitting one at Forever 21) and she would never mistake a floral bathing suit for one -- it's like you tried to channel Dita Von Teese AND Baywatch AND my memere's old couch all at the same time . MASSIVE FAIL.

On The Frivolous...

Posted by: Jen

Jen: I love how J Crew thinks they can sell ballet flats for like $200

or like this http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/shoes/sandals/PRDOVR~94381/94381.jsp

really, $500 for a strap?

hee, that is fabulous

If I saw someone wearing those I would probably make fun of them

Kim: yeah, their shoes are out of control expensive.

well, come ON. they had to GO ALL THE WAY TO ITALY AND KILL AN ALLIGATOR to make those!
lol. wtf. that's incredible.