When Photoshop attacks

Posted by: Kim

Oh, dear god.

I think it's fairly obvious to anyone who has ever seen her before that Blake Lively is neither (1) a demon; or (2) a life-sized Barbie doll, complete with arms that snap off at the shoulder. Oh, W, W, W. How could you do this to our Serena? She's supposed to be pretty.

Another issue: Why is she dressed in what looks like it could easily line up in contention for My Birthday Dress of 2008 ... until you scroll all the way down to the bottom of the cover and see that it's a ... bright red pantsuit with a strapless, empire-waist baby doll top? Is that what it is?

Because it's either that or a strapless, empire-waist baby doll "dress" the likes and length of which even Little Jenny Humphrey hasn't even been bold enough to attempt, paired with ... red tights. ("TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS!" -- Blair Waldorf)

But I can't tell, because that American flag is obstructing my view and, have I mentioned how fucking distracting her dislocated ARM is?!

Anyway. In other scandalous S news, last night's Gossip Girl was good enough, because, well, it is Gossip Girl and can never be bad, but sort of failed to impress as much as anticipated, what with Chuck not killing Dan, CreepyGrossAaron seducing Serena with photos of herself, and Jenny inexplicably screaming about how nuts Agnes is instead of knocking the bitch down and running off with her dresses (seriously, it was taking the girl 20 minutes to light the damn match anyway). But at least Wallace Shawn was in there being inconceivably awesome (ha. ha.) and Blair coined our (and by our, I mean the collective female population) new mantra, "I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me." And next week we're all thankful for Nate Archibald! Whee!

WHAT.

Posted by: Kim


American Girl is RETIRING SAMANTHA PARKINGTON! My first style icon ever! The one whose influence resulted in me prancing around pretending I was a poor little Victorian rich girl for years of my youth while my parents patiently explained to me that the women's suffrage movement was no longer of issue!

Apparently all the 21st-Century dolls they've come out with are making the classic originals null and void? W.T.F. I am really losing faith in the world. Aren't American Girls supposed to be about the history? And now they TAKE AWAY SAMANTHA?! SHE IS THE BEST ONE! God. And, as an added un-bonus, this means Nellie will be retired too!

Whatever. My Samantha doll is having a grand old time in my parents' basement with my sister's Kirsten doll, I'm sure, but I pity the youth of the future who are going to be stuck with all the stupid new dolls.

What's next? GG retires Blair Waldorf?

Disgusted disgusted disgusted.

Dan And Serena Do A PSA For Obama!

Posted by: Jen



Also, via Salon's Broadsheet: GG Author on which character most resembles Barack Obama: "According to author Cecily von Ziegesar, it’s none other than Blair Waldorf. 'Barack and Blair are both beautiful, passionate, ambitious dreamers. They won’t stop until they get what they want, which gives them a bitchy, sexy edge -- and we like them like that.'"

"I'll Fight You for It." - Jen, Re: Red Missoni scarf

Posted by: Kim

Urgent! A question about tonight's Gossip Girl!

Someone with a quicker eye or a greater Missoni appreciation: In that last scene at Yale-umbia, with B & S and the two outifts I did NOT enjoy ... (You know. That hat. I like a 20s throwback more than most and I wasn't feeling it, but I digress) ... was Blair rocking (or not rocking) a Missoni print dress? Because on Saturday Jen and I totally discussed how Blair would not wear Missoni! As in, we were drunk and running around draped in Missoni scarves that did not belong to us, and that came up. Followed by something about Gucci and equestrian patterns. Or that could have come first. True story. Anyway, so now she maybe just did. Wear Missoni, I mean. Wtf.

In other news, the string-quartet arrangement of Muse's "Time Is Running Out"? Well, that was awesome.

My Cat Is Using My Purse As A Scratching Post!

Posted by: Jen

She is a little booger. Anyway, I had a lot of thoughts to post, but nothing that would really manifest itself into a real full post, so I decided to make a list:

1. If I could achieve any resemblance to the Dismissive Look a la Blair for my daily confrontations with duchesses, socialites and maids (or you know, when fighting for a seat on the train), I would be golden. Seriously, that look cuts: eyebrows slightly raised, head cocked, and the look that says "I am through here, off with you." I need to perfect that. And then use it to render my enemies powerless.

2. I am kind of mad that Rosanna of Fox 5 News at 10 went to the morning show. I watch the news at 10 FOR Rosanna and Ernie and their thinly veiled, hate-filled friendly banter! Now I have to suffer through Ernie slinging "friendly" barbs at a poor man's Rosanna with a bad dye job and giant veneers. I did not ask for this; I do not want this. I want to hear about the lost Yorkie in Queens from both of them!

3. OH. And speaking of animals, today a man (ok so he is totally one who raves in his spare time, I swear, just to give you a visual) came on the L holding a small kitten that was gripping his shirt with all of its might, saying that he was collecting money for some animal shelter. I call bullshit, because obviously if he wanted to help animals he wouldn't be scaring the crap out of a tiny kitten while putting it in a potentially dangerous situation by bringing it on the train without a carrier! I never bother with the crazies and I was totally ready to say something, but then I was worried about the kitten (what if he really did hurt it?!) so I didn't. Everyone hug your cat tonight and be happy they aren't being used as a ploy to steal hard earned money from old ladies, people with cancer, and all of the other nice people out there to score E for the next Mother Fucker. Jerk.

4. Confession: Tonight I ate frosted mini wheats for dinner and a bag of popcorn for dessert. I am a grownup.

5. Also, YES! We got hate mail and I am so excited. After all, you're not really important until you have some haters. And according to our grammatically challenged friend, I am the less dumb/ugly one (Kim is the more dumb/not as ugly one, but don't be fooled by those details, we're both totes stupid). Remember ladies, the lesson that our hater wants you to bring home is that the smarter you are, the uglier you are. Now go bake something and stop thinking! XOXO

PS: I do not hate Lauren's dress but I now officially hate her for calling herself a designer. There is nothing new or interesting about this at all (besides the fact that I really hope she is wearing a bra because she looks like she is having a moment of slippage) and I think people are really giving her too much credit (or you know, a job). Oh hey, I just took my (bright pink) bed sheet, wrapped it around myself and pinned it with a giant safety pin. I'm a designer too!!! Also, I just took a shower so my hair is wet and it is INTENTIONAL because I am a visionary and wet hair will be The Look in Sping '09.

S, B and G Design Shoes To Fight Ovarian Cancer

Posted by: Jen

So, Stuart Weitzman is having a charity auction to benefit ovarian cancer by auctioning off shoes designed by celebrities. Of course, Blake, Leighton and Michelle were all asked to contribute:

Georgina would totally wear these and then stab you with them. I kind of feel like Michelle T. really WANTS to be Georgina, or be taken seriously, or something, and these kind of bore me.

Leighton's. Awesome. Ugly, but awesome. I am now officially convinced that she would be the most fun to hang out with, but would probably just make fun of me instead of be my friend, and that's ok! She's one of the cool kids.

Yes, Serena, cover your shoes in candy. Sigh. OBVIOUSLY.

Anyway, it IS a really good cause and if I had $400 to spend on a really ugly shoe, I would totally want to fight ovarian cancer. I totally get the feeling that all of these will be snatched up by creepy dudes who live in their mom's basements and have life sized cardboard cutouts of their favorite actress next to their bed (yo, did you SEE the going rate for the Sarah Michelle Gellar shoe? You know some freaky Buffy fan is all over that shit), and not those who want to cure cancer.

She made "Waldorf" rhyme with "Spears"!

Posted by: Kim

I'm too busy trying to keep myself from collapsing in a whimpering heap on the floor over Tom Brady's As-Yet-Still-Top-Secret-Season-Ending-Knee-Injury-We-All-Know-Is-A-Torn-ACL (why won't they say it?) to even contemplate Leighton in that Missoni sheet Jen posted about. I in fact will choose to blame the Missoni rather than Leighton, because I tend to be 75-25, or 70-30 at best when it comes to appreciating Missoni anyway.

But here!:

In Julis Haus (I have the Old Navy version, no joke. I love pink. I know, you're shocked.) and awesome shoes I also have a lesser (though, mine might actually be awesomer) version of.

AND:

Wearing what is pretty much the exact outfit I will wear to all of these events once I start making it onto the guest lists. Black dresses and red lipstick ftw.