I Have Met My Match

Posted by: Jen

A client brought us Girl Scout cookies today. Normally, when it comes to sweets and desserts, I can eat one or two and be happy that I ate it because dessert is delicious and nutritious and scientifically proven to make you awesome.* However, Girl Scout cookies are just cracktastic! I can't just eat one. Or three. Oh dear god, that little box is calling me. I have Thin Mints AND SAMOAS which, if there is a god, he created those bitches on the eighth day because they are PERFECTION and also have 30% of your recommended dose of saturated fat for the day, so. Yeah.

*None of that is true.

OMFG.

Posted by: Kim

President Obama is Gossip Girl fan!

Or he could just be AWARE of it, I know, but whatever.

I Remain Firmly Aboard The Adam Train, Thx.

Posted by: Kim

I did not watch American Idol last night, because it was St. Patrick's Day and I was busy and also I think I'm kind of over watching it in general, because, as I discussed with Jen, the only thing you can even watch on it is Adam because it's really just people standing around singing cover songs and that's only fun when it's people you know or they are crazy fucking awesome scary insane like Adam Lambert. So.

Anyway, though, I wasn't sad because I heard it was Grand Old Opry week anyway, and I sort of hate to be one of those people who's all, "I hate country music!" because I think the people who feel the need to profess that usually have kind of crap taste in music, but I sort of do hate most country music that's not like Patsy Cline or Ryan Adams (who's borderline even at his most country anyway), so, yeah, I like really just did not care to hear Danny Gokey sing The Dance or whatever the fuck stupid song he picked, thanks.

So then I got to work this morning and my co-worker Amy and I were listening to some popular radio station that plays stuff I recognize but couldn't name and also sometimes has this spectacular 80's hour where they play allllll my karaoke signatures, and then all of a sudden this insane version of Ring of Fire came on. Like it sounded like Jeff Buckley and Thom Yorke had a baby in India and it started crying and burning and wailing and fucking being awesome and terrifying all over everyone's face.

And Amy and I were simultaneously like, "HOLY SHIT THIS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE! ALSO I'M SO CONFUSED AND SCARED! BUT PSYCHED ABOUT IT!"

Yeah, so obviously it was Adam Lambert's performance from last night, and so the radio dudes immediately are like AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! THIS IS TEH WORST THING EVAR! And Amy and I are like, oh, back up the bus. Here it comes: "How dare you, 1) Touch a Johnny Cash song! and 2) Sing it different than he did!!!!"

So obviously that's exactly what they screamed about for a while, as Amy's like, "but it was so awesome though!" and I'm all, "But I think Johnny Cash would have died in a good way if he saw that, like Johnny Cash was a crazy motherfucker with a sick sense of humor and he totally would have loved Adam Lambert going all sparkly gay vampire psycho goth theatre boi on Ring of Fire, I swear! And if it's good enough for him, why can't the rest of the world get over the stupid Walk the Line movie already, christ!"

We proceeded to immediately youtube it and then totally died. Okay, cause first of all, it was so great when Ryan was all, "So, Adam, are you going to turn in a restrained, country style performance tonight?" and Adam was totally just like, dude, no, what, and also, heehee. And then Randy Travis was so scared of him! OMG. So funny. And sad and pathetic. But mostly funny.

And then! AND THEN! Like, okay. I will admit, I was ... uncomfortable? It was just so weird to watch, like, dude has a sick voice, clearly, so on the radio it was just like, omg eerie and amazing and somehow beautiful and scary at once! But on screen it was like you had to look away but you couldn't look away and then he was doing the vampire eye thing and really, really thinking about taking his clothes off and the burns burns burns, like, I couldn't handle it and I sort of totally got what Simon said about people throwing their televisions out the window because I kind of wanted to do so with my computer, but not because I thought the performance was blasphemous and terrible like Simon was saying we should think, but because I couldn't stand watching it. In a good way. And a scared, confused way. Like when I go to an Adam Lambert concert, for which I will totally buy advance tickets, someone will probably need to hold my hand because of sensory overload and panic and I will love every second.

Also, he should absolutely win this show if this stage in the competition is an indication, because we then went on to watch other selected performances and of other people I like (Alexis) I have to say: That was it? You sang Jolene, and you have that voice, and that is all you turned in? I mean, I hope for her sake most of her fans don't know and love the song, because that song is incredible and she was like a bored karaoke singer at best. And I'm not trying to contradict myself here and say she should have sang it like Dolly Parton, I mean, if she wanted to sing it Adam Lambert sparkle-scary style with some sitars or whatever the Alexis Grace equivalent to that would be and rocked the hell out of it, I could have got behind that. What I am saying is that that song is way, way too powerful and emotional for what she did. I have heard far superior performances of that song by people with far less vocal talent than Alexis, honestly.

And as far as Kris, who the judges collectively creamed themselves over ... I liked it fine. I would listen to that on the radio, if Kris were singing it. Or Jason Mraz. Whoever. You know. Someone whose album I would not buy and who I would never pay a Live Nation fee to see in concert no matter how cute he is or how nice and relaxing and lovely his voice is to listen to.

AND, as far as Matt (who the judges REALLY creamed themselves over) goes: See exhibit: Kris. Except Matt was way better than hime this time, and I think he (Matt) actually is a little underrated so I am glad he is getting attention now, but I would really like to see him bust something open cause I think he can do it and I just don't get why he hasn't yet.

Oh, and Anoop finally sang pretty! But, that was kind of it.

So, moral of the post, if I had voted, it still would have been for Adam.

Help Me Pick Out Sneakers, Please.

Posted by: Kim

Last night after GG I somehow watched five minutes of True Life: I'm a Shopaholic, or something like that, and I'm not sure if I should have been nervous or comforted by seeing it, but in any case, I'm nothing like that crazy bitch from Queens and yes, I'm shopping for shoes again.

But I have limits, and also I don't like to buy the same thing in different colors, so even though I'm in love with all of these, I can clearly only have one.

Vote!

Thoughts so far include:

Jennifer: navy dots is the safest as far as getting dirty goes
me: yes, i was thinking that.
though yellow is the cutest as far as being the cutest ever goes.
and blue is the awesomest.

Jennifer: agreed.
me: i am going to put them on our blog and see if anyone will vote. prob not, because i think they only comment when they hate.

Jennifer: they'll tell you that there is a recession going on and you are a vapid bitch for daring to want shoes.
PEOPLE ARE LOSING THEIR HOUSES.

me: lol. also that i should not think twilight is a guilty pleasure because it's real literature, and i only like guys with fuckety faces and also prom dresses.
okay, so the haters might be on to something, but they are looking at it ALL WRONG.

plus, i need shoes to walk in, god.

A)

B)

C)

In Which I Cannot Do Monday.

Posted by: Kim

Today I feel horrifically hungover despite the fact that I did not drink last night. I did drink Saturday night, but it wasn't that much and it was my go-to for non-hangover drunkenness, (and favorite) vodka. But anyway, I can see no other explanation for feeling like this aside from Jen's suggestion of cancer, so I'm thinking I am experiencing a delayed hangover. And it's bad.

Bad enough that my eyes are unfocused enough and I am confused enough that I just walked into my office carrying a salad and an empty iced coffee cup, and proceeded to set the empty cup on my desk and throw my salad in the recycling bin.

Sigh.

And I'm HUNGRY, thanks.

My apartment can SOMETIMES find the Internet now...

Posted by: Kim

Hi, hi, I'm checking in while I briefly have Internet to pimp out a TV show I have never seen but that is my new favorite because Carter Baizen is in it and I love him and also (to a lesser degree, because I am that sad and shallow and so it's mostly about Carter) I think it will be Important Television! With Important Themes and Messages Relevant To Society Today! Or at least layered or whatever, like they tell me Lost is.

Anyway, everyone watch Kings. Who doesn't want Sunday night TV? People who know about TV tell me this is actually a bad time slot and thus the show will immediately be canceled. Also, that the show is going to be too smart for people to want to watch. But, um, no. It's going to be awesome. Sunday night TV about an alternate universe King David? Who doesn't love David's story? It's the best, most gay story in the Bible ever! Let's go!

Also, Carter Baizen, hi. I don't know (or care) what his name is on Kings yet. In real life it's Sebastian, though, which is probably even marginally cooler than Carter Baizen. And he dates Leighton! And I love him.

It's better than the time I read all four Twilight books because of a sort of crush on Robert Pattinson at least, isn't it?

Ricky And Elmo Are Hilarious!

Posted by: Jen

Extras NOW, because it is possibly the funniest show ever. Or just watch his I have little tolerance for Elmo usually, as people who like him are generally people I don't enjoy, such as small children and adults who think it is cute to like children's things -- ugh. Ugh! Does anyone remember in high school, how some girls would like, "Loovvveeee Pooh (or Tigger or Piglet. Actually, I believe the girls who loved Piglet were the worst of them) and like totally talked in baby voices and wore Pooh sweatshirts and said things like "Liberry"? Yeah. Anyway, I forget where I was going with that but this is a video of Ricky Gervais (everyone go and Netflix The Extras because it could be the funniest show EVER or just watch his stand up and pee your pants laughing, whatever.) and Elmo is fantastic. While Elmo still sounds obnoxious, the person with the hand up his butt clearly has a sense of humor, and suddenly Elmo becomes kind of like one of those freaky children who speaks and has mannerisms like an adult.*



Also, realization of MY LIFE: I finally realized who my grandmother sounds exactly like. And it is Elmo.

*Digression: Do you know what kind of children I am talking about? They are children, that have been so brainwashed by adults that they parrot back everything they have been told, but do it in the same manner as the adult who told them about it. For instance, the other day my BF and I watched Jesus Camp, which is a documentary about a Pentecostal Evangelical summer camp and mannnnn it borders on child abuse but that is not the point. The point is the kids talk about religion and clearly their parents have been feeding them the lines for so long, they start to resemble miniature 40 year olds in their ways of speaking and mannerisms. Freaky. But this is really another post. Anyway.

Whitney Offends Me

Posted by: Jen

I will give you all a moment to reflect upon the image below, and remember before you stare too hard: things that are seen cannot be un-seen.

You've been warned.


So, like, what the fuck Whitney? You move to NY and live "downtown" (which is really uptown) and really, really need to prove that you are not that bland blond CA girl? And you've decided to do this in the most ridiculously ugly way possible by draping yourself in the leftover wardrobe from Flash Dance while wearing (sooooo summer 2007, btw, if you care) neon nerd glasses?* Gah, you make me so mad. So mad. And your stupid MATCHING pink nylon bag, WHY?!?! Please just get over yourself and go back to wearing Tory Burch flats and peasant tops and stop designing because it suuuuuccckkksss (really, you don't hold a candle to Bilson or even LC) and move back to LA, because that look is really just LA trying to be NY and it's kind of sad.

*Digression: What is the point of the stupid nerd glasses? They have been uglying up the faces of Brooklyn's masses for two years now, and I do not see the point, and I absolutely hate them and still would even if someone told me the point. They are not cute; they make you look ugly. And I know some girls are so beautiful, uglying up themselves is kind of cool because they still look stunning, but that does not take away from the fact that you have 1970's style child molester glasses on your face!

We are on Team Adam.

Posted by: Kim

As Jen pointed out to me, I am slacking on the blog. Big time. My excuses include: my laptop can't find the internet in my new roommate-less (!) apartment, and I suddenly work 80 hours a week. Eep.

But I'll try to be better.

So to break the slacking, but because I only have about 40 seconds of down time right now, here are Kim and Jen's thoughts, discussed via text, on last night's American Idol. A show that we now both watch. Sigh. Ugh.

Kim: "Um, I somehow forgot about Adam? And I love him."

Jen: "Yes, for the win! He's a bit sexy when he leers over the mic. Sigh."

Kim: "Aw, it's killing me! He's so happy! Awwwww!"

Jen: "I'm text voting for him. Also, Paula is insane."

Jen: "A(lexis) is so good too!"

Kim: "5711 VOTE"

Kim: "Yes, I like her too. I can't predict the top 4. Alexis, Adam, Alison, Matt, Danny, Lil? Some combo of them. Also, who is Kris, what? Pretty pretty princess. Want."

Jen: "I know! Where did he come from? Also want. Lucky wife, boo."

But really you should have ... heard ... us (texting) last week when Anoop made lucky #13. Eeee.

Although I might be kind of over him. Okay, not really. Bffl, Anoop!

People I AM over: Danny. Sorry. His voice is nice but I'm bored with him. Jorge. Less sorry.

People I was never on board with: Megan. I do not get? Other than being pretty, what? She ... can't carry a tune, even, it appears to me. And she said 'CAW CAW!' Also, Michael. Huh?

I can't believe I watch this, it's so dumb, really. Hence, total Team Adam. At least he's interesting and awesome, except he loses points for fleeing NYC for LA, obviously.

Chuck To Friend: Are We Going Boating After The Game?

Posted by: Jen

Apparently Chuck is also laughing at his friend who chose to go sockless, in dress shoes, to the Knick's game, in New York, IN MARCH. Going sockless is a don't (and while appropriate in BOAT SHOES and boat shoes ONLY, I do not encourage wearing such a thing ever). So, total fail, sockless mystery dude.

Ummm, Mr. Obama?

Posted by: Jen

You are awesome. All of this legislation for positive things is starting to blow my mind. Case in point: lifting the ban on stem cell research.

It's better than sex! And nachos! And having sex and then eating nachos in bed!

From CNN:

"As President Obama reversed the Bush administration's limits on embryonic stem-cell research, he said scientific decisions must be "based on facts, not ideology."
President Obama lifted a ban that limited federally funded embryonic stem cell research.

President Obama lifted a ban that limited federally funded embryonic stem cell research.

The president on Monday signaled a clear shift in tone from the Bush administration on a broad range of scientific issues.

Obama overturned an order signed by President Bush in 2001 that barred the National Institutes of Health from funding research on embryonic stem cells beyond using 60 cell lines that existed at that time."

Emphasis mine. OMG OMG OMG (not literally, obv, just as a figure of speech, because REALLY guys, I don't have a god and I'm cool with not having yours either. Anyway.), wait what? You mean the government should not be run and legislation should not be controlled by the vocal and annoying self-righteous minority? Especially when that obnoxious subset of the population wants to hinder scientific progress that would help people all over the world? Well, consider my socks knocked off. I never thought this day would come. Thanks President Obama, I am glad I voted for you. xoxo

Oh Hai, Look What Obama Is Up To Now!

Posted by Jen:

Oh all that is smart and awesome, check out out this press release from Planned Parenthood:

"President Obama began the process of overturning the Bush administration rule that limits the rights of patients to receive complete and accurate reproductive health information and services.You might already know the background of this situation, but here it is in case you don't. Just before leaving office, the Bush administration put in place a rule that limits the rights of patients to receive complete and accurate reproductive health information and services. The rule allows health care personnel and institutions everywhere to simply withhold information about health care services, including things like birth control and HIV testing and treatment. It also allows health care workers to deny any basic health care service based on their personal biases. "

Well, that was quick. I really have to say, I am impressed with President Obama's can do/will do attitude. I don't think I've ever seen a politician accomplish more so quickly. It really makes me happy (and incredibly relieved, after 8 years of horror. I think I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or something, as the next round of elections already strikes fear into my liberal heart.) to have a smart, educated competent leader for once.

ALSO, there is more you can do to help! There is 30 days before the rule is rescinded for the public to voice their opinion. Let yourself be heard via this great form provided by PP: http://www.ppaction.org/campaign/hhsorcp_ppol/ws3xxx3r1kketwd?source=hhsorcp_e1_ppol

Next, let's work on gay marriage!

But WHY Are The Camels IN A Car?!?!

Posted by: Jen

Ok, this is probably the funniest thing I have seen in a while as I literally LOLed instead of just typing it (actually it was more of a shriek followed by hysterical laughter). But the video leads to many questions, such as WHO decided to put two camels in a car? Why did they put the camels IN the car? Where were they going (as I can imagine that camels typically do not need rides to many places, being creatures that can travel long distances through the desert while relying on the stored whatever-the-fuck it is they keep in their humps.)? And why are the camels so obviously displeased?

Also, my co-worker makes noises similar to this when he loses at video games, FYI.

I Didn't Totally Watch American Idol Tonight Because The New 90210 Repeat Was New To Me.

Posted by: Kim

So, I didn't see this blind guy Jen is talking about.

However I did see the Puerto Rican guy who can't think in English when he gets emotional, and I am officially over my Adam Lambert crush of last week.

Team Jorge!

Btw, tomorrow I am moving into my new apartment ... AND IT DOESN'T INCLUDE ROOMMATES AND I AM SO EXCITED OMG.* This is probably the first time I've ever been okay, much less excited, with the whole staring down the barrel of my late 20s thing or whatever.

NO ONE'S LEAVING MY PANS IN THE SINK TO RUST OR THEIR HAIR IN THE SHOWER, BITCHES! YES!

*Obviously Jen is the greatest roommate to ever walk the earth and none of this gushing about not having roommates (omg!) means that I don't miss college/NYC the Early Years/Jen. And Gracie.

Oh. Of Course.

Posted by: Jen

There is a blind guy on American Idol right now. And he can sing, and the judges love him (though, can you be mean to a blind person? I don't know. Once I helped a blind lady on the bus from Boston to NY and "helping" was actually more like being her slave, but I took it, even after she screwed me on cab fare, because hey, she couldn't see. I also continually made a jackass out of myself by making brilliant statements such as, "look out!" or "it's over there" and pointing at things.). We all know that blindness beats a dead wife any day, just saying.

Mary Kate And Ashley Totally Got It, Dude!

Posted by: Jen

It is snowing here and I am so tired of winter and all of my clothes and even though I swore off shopping until April, I can't help but look online and then I died a little when I found Mary Kate and Ashley's spring line for Elizabeth & James. Sigh, I have seen a lot of their stuff in Bloomingdale's and gazed longingly at it, but these girls have come a long way since their days of Wal-Mart clothing and the price point is a little... High. For me at least. But, we can drool! And find lower cost look alikes at Zara and H&M! Yay!


First, I give you, "Model in kiddie pool".
She's all, I am so bad ass in this long blazer and adorable teal skirt! I'm also about to break this pool with my killer heels (quick aside: when I was 9 or so, I got Crocodile Mile for my birthday and I was SO EXCITED because it was a glorified Slip n' Slide with a cool pool and inflatable palm tree on the end of it! Well, long story short, I never even got to use it because the pool popped when my dad was setting it up. How tragic.) ! Look out, tidal wave!

Next, although I seem to be seeing a resurgence in short puffy skirts circa 2004, I am refusing to be frightened because this is not worn with Uggs or an Old Navy tank top.
Instead it is all kinds of awesome with a long blazer (I NEED ONE. And yet, cannot find any -- they all appear to be cropped, everywhere I go. And let me tell you how bad cropped looks on someone who is 5'3.), a simple shirt and once again, bad ass heels. Mary Kate and Ashley, please send me this outfit for my birthday. I loved How The West Was Fun.

Lastly, YELLOW!
I don't know if I can wear straight up yellow all by itself like the model is, as it tends to make me look dead, or close to death, but I would wear this with a darker cardigan over it, which I know completely ruins the fact that it is a summer dress, but that is how I roll and it gets cold in my office. Also, the jury is still out on those Keds. Yes, I see the hipsters (and Brett from Flight of The Conchords!) in them, but like those giant boyfriend jeans that Katie Holmes inflicted upon the world, only to have many misguided actresses follow her, I am not sure if I believe it.