It Is Steve Madden, Not Manolo ...

Posted by: KimI've been looking for a pair of really great tall, flat boots for a while now. Initially I wanted riding boots in dark brown, which somehow led to me buying an amazing pair of ... cognac boots ... mid-calf ... heeled ... see my problem? So I amended to black, and after listening to Jen sing the praises of the Steve Madden pair above (which she has in cognac) and applying a 35% off coupon she forwarded me, I was super excited to get my hands on these.

Have I mentioned the Kim Luck yet? Well, the Kim Luck is the exact opposite of luck, really. It's kind of a perpetual entity in my life too, but I really can't complain much because it's not like horrible, tragic things take place in my life daily, more like whatever can go wrong when it's concerning a not-so-important event, will. 110%. The most common reaction I get to most of my tales of woe is: "Of course that would happen to you." Hence, I fall down a lot. I get lost a lot. I spill things a lot. Stevemadden.com sends me the wrong color boots. Etc. It really just keeps things interesting.

So, anyway, the latest moment of Kim Luck led to the following conversation. I sort of hate to do it, because I love Steve Madden, really a lot. Every shoe I own by Steve Madden is a favorite: comfortable, attractive, affordable. Stevemadden.com, however, and its customer service? Pfft.

me: omg stevemadden.com or whatever FAIL AT LIFE.

Jennifer: OMG

I saw that this am (note: "That" refers to my furious text the night before, which read, : "The fucktards sent cognac!!!")

Jennifer: those are the ones I have though, aren't they pretty?

are you sending them back?

me: okay, so, sending me the wrong color is annoying, but what happened after is the reallllly dumb part.

yes, they were very pretty, haha.

but i already have cognac boots.

Jennifer: what happened?

me: so there was this letter enclosed, that was like, CALL US IMMEDIATELY if your order is not as expected! we love helping! or some such shit.

and then it was like, 'p.s., just so you know, we don't do exchanges, because we get screwed sometimes and would rather screw you.'

like it pretty much said that

even snottier.

Jennifer: they don't exchange?

me: it was like, 'our products are in high demand, so if you dont like what you got, suck it. you can return but not exchange.'

I KNOW.

so i was like, okay, that's dumb, but whatever,

me: i'm not exchanging, i am getting what i ordered.

Jennifer: yeah.

what did they say?

me: so i call, and the guy's like, 'oh man, sorry about that. i am sending a free return label to your email right now.'

'you mail them back from any post office'

and i was like, 'okay, super...um, then what?'

and he was like, 'then you wait til it gets to the warehouse, and within 30 days after that you will get refunded.'

and i was like, 'okayyyy ... what about my boots?'

and he was like, 'oh, you have to order them again. didn't you see? we dont exchange.'

and i was like, !!!!

'but you guys messed up! im not exchanging cause i didn't know my size or felt like changing colors! my order slips say all over them they are black boots, and they are not!'

and he was like, 'i am very sorry, but *recites no exchange policy about how sm is too cool for customer service*'

and i was like, 'but ... i had a 35% off coupon, and free shipping!'

and he was like, 'well there will be no charge to ship them back, only on the new ones.'

Jennifer: HAH!

me: and i was like, 'omg, okay, i gotta speak to someone else.'

Jennifer: that is ridiculous

me: and he was like, 'they will tell you the same thing!'

Jennifer: they always say that

and thennnn ...

me: so i was like, 'okay, then, i demand you give me my 35% coupon and free shipping on all accounts because THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!'

and he was like, 'i am very sorry, i am not authorized to issue coupons. and i have explained our exchange policy!'

Jennifer: did you demand to talk to someone else again?

me: and i was like, 'yes, and it is extremely unsatisfactory, as are you. please put a supervisor on. NOW.'

Jennifer: good for you

me: so this super comes on and i'm like, 'hi, okay, before you recite your inane no exchange policy, which just so you know is pretty much the most assured way to LOSE SALES, i've already heard it.

'i get it. I need to return my boots AND re-order, thus wasting my time cause you messed up. but i refuse to pay more for the pair of boots i ordered in the first place.'

and she was like, 'alright, that's fine. i will send out the correct boots for the same price and you will not be charged any shipping.'

and i was like, 'okay. now explain how payment works.'
and she was like, 'well, because we don't do exchanges because we can't get screwed eff you, what happens is ... you will get your refund in 30-45 days. but you will be charged for the new boots when they ship in one to three days.'

and i was like, 'DID YOU JUST HEAR YOURSELF?! THIS IS RETARDED!'

and she was like, 'miss, do you not understand the policy?' and i was like, 'i am YELLING AT THE POLICY!'

Jennifer: oh so they'd double charge you until they get the boots

that is really bad.

me: 'because for up to a week, i will be out $200 and have NO boots'

'and for a month i will have a pair of boots for double the cost!'

and she was like, 'well, we can't get screwed. i mean, what if your return gets lost in the mail?'

Jennifer: oh god.

me: and i was like, 'I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULD EMPLOY FACTORY WORKERS WHO CAN READ THE WORD BLACK?!'

and then i was like, 'FINE. i am keeping my order ONLY because i REALLY want these. but i wont order from you again. and if for some reason, i am not refunded, i will sue you.'

haha.

and she was like, 'that's dramatic.' and i was like, 'i'm not getting screwed because your policy PLANS for it. duh. i have free legal representation!'

so i bought delivery confirmation on my package.

i am so mad.

maybe i am overreacting a little, but isn't that so dumb?

they fuck up, so i get charged twice for up to 45 days?

RECESSION, ASSFACES!

Jennifer: well I mean, it's absolutely stupid that they are setting it up so that you lose your money if something bad happens because of their mistake

but at least she gave you the same price and free shipping

but I would be really pissed too

about having to wait and shell out all of that money

me: yes. although i really don't see how they could do business if they didn't offer that. it would be absurd.

like this is already ridiculous, but being like, 'oh, you ordered on sale but we sent the wrong thing, bummmmmmerrrr', would be out of control.

i'm not losing my money, lol

i will call them every day after i see the package is delivered back to the warehouse if i don't hear from them.

Jennifer: I did that with urban outfitters

I had to call them three times to correct my address because they like, said they did and didn't

and then when it was in their warehouse I called them to tell them

and they were like, "Ooohhh. Cool. We'll send it out then."

me: wtf

Jennifer: so when are you getting the boots

me: i don't know. i guess soon.

i haven't gotten an email saying they shipped yet, like she said I would.

Jennifer: HAH

Jennifer: Figures.obviously they WOULD send you the wrong color.

me: YES I KNOW.

when i opened the package and saw it said 'cognac' on the box i seriously like barfed in fury.

Jennifer: HAHAHA

me: and then i stared at it for a while, being like, 'oh, maybe it's just the wrong BOX'

no.i got the order confirmation

lol

im totally like, donating $206 to steve madden.

sigh.

if my boots never come i am suing for SO MANY boots

Jennifer: yeah you could have [redacted] write a scary letter

me: lol, and steve madden's defense will be, 'well, you see, our products are in such high demand and so minimally produced, i mean, they are practically one of a kind couture, so we can't just fix our mistakes without covering our asses. it's not our fault she expected to receive her order!'

Jennifer: I know

what is that?

they make millions of those things

me: i know! i was seriously laughing at the verbiage of their policy in the first place!

Jennifer: it is steve madden, not manolo.