Friday, May 9, 2008

On Vaginas. And Miracles. And World Domination.

Posted by: Kim and Jen


Kim:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20198911,00.html
do you think the second child feels weird about not starting with J?
Jen: OMG
I was just gonna send you this
http://jezebel.com/388978/mom+to+17-michelle-duggar-set-to-birth-another-damn-baby
HAH, I am horrified
Kim: hahahaha
Jen: like ok, let's talk about this. I think there is something kind of messed up about having that many kids… isn't it unfair to them? and your vagina?
"Michelle Duggar has been pregnant for more than 11 years of her life."
HOLY HELL
Kim: they probably just fall out of her at this point. ugh.
Jen: HAHAHA I know
"Honey is it in?"
Kim: it's so bad. they are homeschooled. they are like raised to only interact with each other. how weird. you KNOW there has to be incestuous tendencies
Jen: oh you know they are fucked up the minute you see that hair. they all have that crazy wacko long cult hair going on
Kim: hahahaha! eeeek
Jen: like, the girls inherited fabulous hair. Style it!
also though... how do they pay for all the kids? by tv appearances?
Kim: they go through 3 loaves of bread a day. hahahahaha.
Jen: oh so this was a comment on Jezebel: "According to my co-worker, who is dating an ob-gyn, your uterus can actually fall out after too many pregnancies. Now I have another nightmare. "
Kim: OH MY GOD
Jen: yeah. I'd believe it. I mean, all kinds of weird shit happens when you give birth. I've read about it. LIKE how you can RIP open, like, all the way to your butt.
Kim: i think i just whimpered
Jen: yay babies!
who would've thought that dad would be such a sex machine! his comb over is so deceiving
Kim: lol, well, they do give GOD all the credit
Jen: I feel like I wouldn't want to be in the same room as him because I might miraculously catch a pregnancy or something...
because when a mommy and a daddy love each other, they kiss and then god puts a baby in mommy's tummy
Kim: oh christ
Jen: I just made that up. But I think most of their children probably take it as fact.
Kim: i worry about immaculate conception more than i should, i think. like maybe i would piss off god, and he'd be like, HA, bitch!
Jen: yeah, that would get me to believe
I'd be like, oh, ok, shit. I wonder how mad God would be after all of that if I got an abortion?
Kim: it would just grow back
duh
Jen: as twins, I'm sure
Kim: you’d keep getting abortions
Jen: I'd be eating packs of birth control for breakfast only to be smited with a baby
smoted?
well, I guess after all of that, who am I to deny the world the second coming?
Kim: i would be so pumped if you birthed Jesus II
Jen: I would only be if he performed a miracle on my checking account
and even then, he better not cry during gossip girl
Kim: no, it'd be so great. you, gracie, and lil baby j. and we could just have him perform small miracles whenever we needed them. and then in like, 2040 he can marry Marina Cameron Brady (whom Tom and I adopted from China) and we'll have tied up all the perfection in the world for our own keeping.
Jen: OH YES
world domination!
alright, I am willing to take one for the team and have JC II if it means you get Tom and we get world domination
Kim: YES! oh man, you're the best! seriously. how great. we could make the calories fall out of frappucinos and gossip girl air every night. twice. and increase our leg length for maximum boot wearing potential. i should probably be coming up with better acts for your little miracle to perform, huh?
Jen: yeah obviously we would take care of world peace and happiness and find an environmentally friendly source of fuel that is free… but I mean, while he's doing the big things, he can def divinely inspire the GG writers to crank out a good episode every day
Kim: totally. this is probably our best idea yet.
Jen: you know what, even with the whole promise of all of that, I'm still not entirely psyched to be pregnant
Kim: understandable. on the plus side, your spawn can correct your anatomy and physique for you in moments!
Jen: oh yes. I will be like, no I don't want my old pre-baby body back. I want Gisele's!
and it shall be done, and they will see that it is good
Kim: let us pray to the lord
lord hear our prayer
Jen: amen
Kim: blessed is the word of the lord, for ... i forget… amen
Jen: hah yeah
I am posting this
Kim: i'm probably going to post this on the internet
fyi
Jen: yes.
Kim: LOL
HAHAHAHA
Jen: we are reading each other’s minds today
Kim: wow we are for real’s sharing a brain today
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER

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