We Aren't Dead. Also, Kim Jen Madrid Barcelona!

Posted by: Kim

Hi, hi, world, hi.

Jen and I forgot to blog for a really long time, but I hereby swear that I am starting again (I know all three of you readers have been devasted heretofore ... I ... just wanted to use that word, I don't even know if I did so properly).

Anyway, for my first post as a self re-instated blogger, I really have nothing to say, actually. I'm having difficulties completing a single thought at work. Though, here's a little gem that came from today:

Kim: "So. (Redacted client whose case was just transferred to me) is going to be nice and cooperative and we will have this closed by Tuesday, yes?"
Boss: "No. I can promise you right here, right now, that no, that is not how it will be. He is going to be stupid and annoying and push your deadlines to deadlines that didn't even used to exist. On the 1-10 Scale of Stupid and Annoying, he is a 9, and I would give him an 11, but that is Stupid and Annoying, and somehow 10 seems less bad than 9. So he's a 9. Also he'll stare at you to an uncomfortable degree."

Awesome.

In other news, our favorite Adam Lambert is still our favorite and he's in the American Idol finale along with Kris Allen, who is just a lovely little lemon meringue pie tartlet of a person and we adore him too, so, this is great on all accounts! I am sad to report the degree to which this ridiculous karaoke competition has infiltrated my life, but, alas. Glitterpainting my Adam Lambert t-shirt this weekend.

In other sparkly tv news, it appears no one listened to me and watched Kings, which is all of your loss and I hate you and blame you for its apparent cancellation. On the upside, I saw Carter Baizen in the preview for the Gossip Girl finale, immediately deduced that with Kings dead this frees him up to be a regular in Season 3, and I proceeded to throw myself on the floor and flail around giggling with glee at the prospect. Sebastian Stan really just needs to grace all my television shows, please.

And in other, other news not relating to tv whatsoever, we are going to Spain! Je parle francais but my Spanish is sadly (yet spectacularly, somehow) limited to cauderno (that means notebook), but Jen is already practicing hers and I'm getting a book. It. Is. Going. To. Be. Epic. Allegedly we might skate by without sticking out too much because we shop at Zara, but my blonde hair is questionable. We don't care anyway. Ole!

Clearly I'm the same as I ever was, which is apparently shallow, as that nice anonymous* commenter deduced from my innocent post on sneakers. This is good news for you all, as it means that after taking the high road for like ten seconds, obviously my next post is going to be tearing anonymous* commenters who say absurd things to shreds. And I'll still be posting about shoes!

SPAIN SPAIN SPAIN!



* I know who you are, asshat. Stop posting anonymously on my fluffy little blog. You are way too old to act like an outcast 16-year-old. Like, way, way, way, wrinkly-and-with-the-confirmation-of-your-cat-lady-fate-breathing-down-your-neck too old.

In Which I Cannot Do Monday.

Posted by: Kim

Today I feel horrifically hungover despite the fact that I did not drink last night. I did drink Saturday night, but it wasn't that much and it was my go-to for non-hangover drunkenness, (and favorite) vodka. But anyway, I can see no other explanation for feeling like this aside from Jen's suggestion of cancer, so I'm thinking I am experiencing a delayed hangover. And it's bad.

Bad enough that my eyes are unfocused enough and I am confused enough that I just walked into my office carrying a salad and an empty iced coffee cup, and proceeded to set the empty cup on my desk and throw my salad in the recycling bin.

Sigh.

And I'm HUNGRY, thanks.

My apartment can SOMETIMES find the Internet now...

Posted by: Kim

Hi, hi, I'm checking in while I briefly have Internet to pimp out a TV show I have never seen but that is my new favorite because Carter Baizen is in it and I love him and also (to a lesser degree, because I am that sad and shallow and so it's mostly about Carter) I think it will be Important Television! With Important Themes and Messages Relevant To Society Today! Or at least layered or whatever, like they tell me Lost is.

Anyway, everyone watch Kings. Who doesn't want Sunday night TV? People who know about TV tell me this is actually a bad time slot and thus the show will immediately be canceled. Also, that the show is going to be too smart for people to want to watch. But, um, no. It's going to be awesome. Sunday night TV about an alternate universe King David? Who doesn't love David's story? It's the best, most gay story in the Bible ever! Let's go!

Also, Carter Baizen, hi. I don't know (or care) what his name is on Kings yet. In real life it's Sebastian, though, which is probably even marginally cooler than Carter Baizen. And he dates Leighton! And I love him.

It's better than the time I read all four Twilight books because of a sort of crush on Robert Pattinson at least, isn't it?

Twilight Takes Over The World! Or At Least Mine, Because As We Have Discussed, It Already Has Or Whatever!

Posted by: Kim

Disclaimer: My Baby Bro Ben is visiting and I kindly purchased him his beverage of choice in handle form, which is bourbon, of all things, and so now we're both drunk.

So, at this very moment I am watching the completely (and deservedly so, because it's awesome) acceptable-by-television-snobs Top Chef finale (Team Carla! Whoo dee whoo![?] What? She's toast. But I love her!) However, immediately preceding this very moment, I may or may not have been watching American Idol. Again. Ahem.

Now, when the first season of American Idol aired, I was studying abroad in London, and so I missed it entirely. As in I arrived back in the States, and in the summer of 2003 was driving around and heard Kelly Clarkson's 'A Moment Like This' and was all, "Um, what the hell is this crap?" (obvi I am now a fan, that song was her singular weak moment) and thus began my understanding.

However I never watched.

Until last week.

And then tonight.

BUT. I have had friends who consistently OMG ADORE OBSESSIVELY it. And they all have one thing in common: They HATE HATE HATE the musical theatre types, and LOOOOVE the 'edgy rocker' types that show up to compete. And then I proceed to hear David Cook on the radio and be like, "meh, 100% meh" and they are all, "BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR HIM SING 'HELLO!!!1!!11!!!!!!OMFG" and I'm all "so it IS glorified karaoke for hipsters who are too cool for musicals! A-HA!"

***** TIME OUT***** Hosea just won Top Chef. Um, snore. Aside from the time he made the crispy salmon rolls, I remember nothing. It should have been Stefan. Not that I like him. But he is better. Whatever.

Okay, back. Right, so, American Idol is no place for Broadway singers. Except ... it is a singing competition, yes? Well, I mean, it's also a beauty pageant, but, Broadway singers tend to be cutie pies, so. Anyway. All I'm saying is, enjoy musicals or not (and for the record, 90% of the time I do not -- ask Jen, we share a mutual issue with suspension of disbelief, and often -- exhibit A, Twilight 4 -- mine is even stronger than hers), Broadway-style singers tend to have the best voices.

AND OMG I HAVE A TOTAL CRUSH ON ADAM LAMBERT NOW WTF THANKS AMERICAN IDOL.

Like, the Pete Wentz look is not really my type (I mean, if the princess dress/pearl/J.Crew gushing and discussions of Nantucket and Chace Crawford hasn't yet given it away, I'm destined for matrimony with a stockbroker or perhaps a professional lacrosse player), and, I'll just throw it out there: despite the fact that "Wild Horses" unfailingly makes me cry in a good way every time I hear it, and I obviously like "Ruby Tuesday" because I'm human, I am not even that big of a Rolling Stones fan, so please don't quiz me on albums. BUT OMG. That was so fun! He was so great! His voice is fantastic! His flatironed hair is amazing!

AND THEN RANDY JACKSON TOOK IT TO THE TWILIGHT PLACE.

TWILIGHT RULES THE WORLD!

And, whilst Ryan compared him to Edward Cullen (what?), I would like to point out that Randy was comparing him to R.Pattz ... um, R. Patz? ... RPattz!zz! Robert Pattinson! Who, because maybe one other time or 17 while I was drunk I stalked a little, I know sings (I'm sure this is not news to anyone but me, so pick on something else and let me roll with it please, haters) -- BUT DOES RANDY KNOW THAT?! Seriously. Someone clarify. What was going on? Was he comparing Adam singing 'Satisfaction' to RPattz singing on the Twilight soundtrack? Cause I mean, they sounded nothing alike, aside from both awesome. Or was he talking about their mutual affection for strategically tousled hair?

DOES IT EVEN MATTER? NO. I loved this guy, and then Randy called him Edward. I mean R Pattz. I am clearly paraphrasing wherever the hell I see fit at this point. ANYWAY.

Sold. I have my American Idol. Call me, Adam. Let's go out. Or ... go shopping.

Oh, also, in addition to my new American Idol boyfriend (please, no one call me with examples of him singing the Jesus Christ Superstar score or something I have no interest in hearing, I DON'T CARE, LET ME HAVE MY FANTASY) I voted for the girl who sang 'Alone' and the girl who sang 'Bette Davis Eyes' simply because those are two of my karaoke signatures (Jen sang 'Alone' with me once, and she loved it. She can't deny.). Rock on, karaoke idols.

'Oh, a dinner party! That's so New York!'

Posted by: Kim

Last night I drank a vodka soda immediately after working out, and, hey, guess what happens when you do that? Severely. Wasted. But I actually didn't do anything overly stupid once Severely Wasted (I managed to complete that daily requirement at the gym, actually, when I was That Girl who malfunctioned on the treadmill - note I did not say on a malfunctioning treadmill - who somehow went from running to, you know, sort of on the ground. Oh, shoelaces, you are diabolical).

No, no. I just somehow convinced the cute boy ... er, man ... boy ... man ... that I probably have a giant crush on that we should catch up on (read: start watching) The City.

Cut to me, still in my gym clothes and sweaty ponytail and drunk face, 20 minutes later, tirading around my living room. Like we're talking obscene hand gestures, and fluctuating intonation due to intense rage.

Jen warned me that this would happen, but I refused to listen, because, see, I like Whitney Port. Well, I liked her on The Hills, anyway, cause she was sort of the voice of reason amidst the mindsuck, the one person with ambition in the middle of the vacuous hole of 'life' they were projecting to be what LA is all about. Of course, with The Hills I just totally bought it and adored it, in that way that anyone from/living in/having lived in/who prefers New York, etc., would, because, as that Sex and the City episode taught us, we are preconditioned to hate LA. But of course, like the same episode taught us, we are wrong in doing so for a number of reasons, all largely relating to the weather. But when it comes down to it, we still believe the myths. Not the myths Angelinos themselves think the rest of the world believes (you know, that they are all beautiful and rich and glam and celebrities) but the myths that they're all tacky and new money and vapid and annoying. You know, it's totally not fair, in all likelihood. But The Hills totally plays it up, and the nation totally eats it up.

So of course I was like, well, good thing they can't portray New York shittily. It's impossible! New York will beat even the most contrived of life manipulations and MTV-approved stereotypes! It's NEW YORK.

And well. New York looks great. The fashion is better (no thanks to Whitney, actually, who, as Jen has noted, somehow managed to lose the fashions sense she inexplicably had in LA when she moved to a place where people actually know what's up, but thanks to the fact that she works at DVF so we're treated to runway shows pretty often, and because Erin and Olivia do the respective hipster/socialite looks well), the music is the same, the boys are just as douchey but cooler, and the real estate is remarkably similar despite the fact that, hi, that's sort of impossible, but whatevs.

But omg, The City. You lost me at dinner parties being 'so New York' and then you buried me when, immediately after hammering home what is apparently going to be the show's niche, the 'Uptown vs. Downtown' thing (I mean, hi, see Gossip Girl, and it's Manhattan vs. Brooklyn, kthxbye), and then having uptown princess Olivia throw her New York-style dinner party at her penthouse apartment ... in Tribeca. Uh. I mean, yes, the line between Tribeca and say, Gramercy Park, or Soho, is evident. But Tribeca also isn't uptown, like, in any sense of word/location/behavior, but I guess they're going with its proximity to the Meatpacking District and how that's the trendiest and sparkliest and fashionyest and all those down and dirty Downtown hipsters are gonna be hanging exclusively at 151 sporting blunt bangs and lots of plaid and leggings, while the Uptown crowd lives at Tenjune, and, oh, hey! They're at Tenjune. Shocker.

Okay, but the kids of art dealers bit was hilarious, as was Olivia and what a bitch she is in general. Especially talking about her cotillion and Manolos, like, omfg. Also they do a good job of showing that Whitney really might be too naive for New York, although the subsequent throwdown between men over her affections is really pretty New Jersey of them, but, eh, one's Australian and the other's from, I don't know, California or Texas or something, so, sure.

I'm probably going to watch this religiously and fly into fits of rage on a weekly basis, now. But at least it's making me sit back and take a look at what MTV can do to stereotype your entire city and make it look like it's full of idiots, and so now I should take back some of my preconceived notions about LA, largely drawn from The Hills. Except, I won't.

When is Lauren coming to The City?

Two Videos You Will DIE Over!!!1

Posted by: Jen

Hooolllyyy shit. It's a hedgehog, eating a carrot, and somebody filmed it, and then put it up on YouTube! I die. I die I die I die!



And if you thought it couldn't get ANY better, I give you "Hamster on a Piano, Eating Popcorn", the musical:



For realz, I DO believe in Santa because this is all I want for Christmas!

I've been looking for an awesome gold dress ...

Posted by: Kim

Nicole Ritchie looks awesome and I want this dress:



In other news, I wanted to go look for pictures from tonight's Gossip Girl solely because I almost fell out of my seat when B sent C the "You win. Tonight." text (you know, pre-Dan Humphrey sucks, pre-America's collective heart breaks) and he received it while descending a staircase wearing a purple sweater and was totally the Hottest. Thing. Ever. I swear I'm a Nate girl, but, what? Maybe I'm not anymore? (Right, like that's even possible). But wardrobe is doing something way right this season with the Bass-tard, cause boy looks good walking away ... and approaching. And ... always. So yeah, either they've stepped up or they were doing something wrong by Ed Westwick last season, because I did not used to drool this much. I don't even know what I'm saying at this point, but, damn. Purple sweater. I know Jen approves of purple.

Anyway, right, I wanted to go look for pictures, but, I think I will wait until they come to me and go watch baseball until I fall asleep instead. Computers are hurting my eyes lately.

Also, I don't want the Phillies to win the World Series. That is all.

Too tired too function. Will mindlessly daydream up places to wear couture instead of attempting social interaction and/or general human activity.

Posted by: Kim

Weird week, too much work, too fast, too much vodka, too much talking to people I didn't think I'd be talking to, too much apologizing for things that don't matter, too much cold, too much Claritin, not enough glasses of water per day, and where the hell is my amazing Sephora lip gloss?!

I like next week better already, but, until then, here's a really pretty dress:


Reese Witherspoon in November Vogue.

Jen, remember when I said you could wear whatever dress you wanted in my wedding party? I changed my mind. It might be black tie, and this might be the MOH and BM requirement. I'm sure you won't feel like paying your rent that year anyway.

Quote Of The Day! Also, I Accidentally Come Off As Really Creepy!

Posted by: Jen

And without further ado, the Quote of the Day (or week, because Palin hasn't been interviewed lately):

"Model turned actor, dime a dozen, eye candy, doesn't know what he's doing ... and Perez Hilton says I have 'gayface'. So on top of everything else, I have to overcome gayface." -- Chace Crawford on the public criticism of his thespian skillz in this month's Details magazine

Dan: Slack-jawed
Chuck: Brooding
Nate: Pure sex

Um, so Chace, some of those things may or may not be true, but you DO NOT have gayface. Trust me. Because I want to lick it.