My apartment can SOMETIMES find the Internet now...

Posted by: Kim

Hi, hi, I'm checking in while I briefly have Internet to pimp out a TV show I have never seen but that is my new favorite because Carter Baizen is in it and I love him and also (to a lesser degree, because I am that sad and shallow and so it's mostly about Carter) I think it will be Important Television! With Important Themes and Messages Relevant To Society Today! Or at least layered or whatever, like they tell me Lost is.

Anyway, everyone watch Kings. Who doesn't want Sunday night TV? People who know about TV tell me this is actually a bad time slot and thus the show will immediately be canceled. Also, that the show is going to be too smart for people to want to watch. But, um, no. It's going to be awesome. Sunday night TV about an alternate universe King David? Who doesn't love David's story? It's the best, most gay story in the Bible ever! Let's go!

Also, Carter Baizen, hi. I don't know (or care) what his name is on Kings yet. In real life it's Sebastian, though, which is probably even marginally cooler than Carter Baizen. And he dates Leighton! And I love him.

It's better than the time I read all four Twilight books because of a sort of crush on Robert Pattinson at least, isn't it?

You Amuse Me, Dustin Hoffman

Posted by: Jen

The scene: Dustin Hoffman reacting (ok, clearly just messing with) to the work of the paparazzi while being photographed by said paparazzi. Oh, how meta! I vote him honorary grandpa of our Dream Team of Friends!

Dustin is clearly upset over mysteriously dead toddler Caylee Anthony! Like millions of others, he still can't get enough!

Dustin views Gennifer Goodwin's tangerine/bead/vomit colored shoes monstrosity from the He's Just Not That In To You premier. He is unimpressed, perhaps nonplussed.

Sigh. You can see the tangerine monstrosity here: http://www.fabsugar.com/2766278. Take it from me, Gin (Kim and I wonder if perhaps on the night of your conception, your parents got drunk on gin martinis and decided to combine their love of Bombay Saphire with one of the most popular names of the late 70's/early 80's, because really, what else are we expected to think?) as a girl who also has the Wednesday Adams thing going on, tropical fruit colors are NOT your friend!

I Want Mischa Barton To Be Our Friend

Posted by: Jen

You know what, despite not knowing Mischa Barton to be anyone other than Marissa Cooper, and since knowing her only as that has led me to "meh" feelings about her because Summer and Seth were CLEARLY the stars on The OC not matter how hard they tried to make it all about Marissa and Ryan (oh, GG, do I see a pattern with Josh Schwartz backed shows in which the leads are boring and the "secondary" characters are awesome? Perhaps).

Anyway, as Fashion Week in Paris is upon us, I have had the opportunity to see more of M (I am going to call her that because it works for BOTH Mischa AND Marissa!), and I will say, I have taken a liking to her. First her awesome yellow dress and now this:

Yes! It is M celebrating her 23rd birthday as all 23 year olds should: in a fabulous fluffy/feathery dress, complete with ironic tiara, all wastey faced. I love her. I am here by adding her to our Dream Team of friends, because if anything, she will bring some fun to our parties!

Also, I don't care if you can act M, it's fine. I wasn't floored by your performance as Marissa. Maybe you should change the game and just be a fun socialite who dresses well and parties most excellently and gets paid for it. We all know that's what I would be if I had the rich parents/hair for it.

Deep Lunchtime Thoughts Over My Sandwich...

Posted by: Jen

I have a few things to comment on, so I decided to put it all in one post for convenience's sake.

First off, filed under Things I Refuse To Believe No Matter How Many Times You Tell Me, I give you Eva Longoria:

Yeah, she's doing the Katie Holmes' baggy jeans roll thing that was thrust upon us last year. Eva, I am more likely to believe Katie than you on all things fashion (as you normally run around in 1980's prom inspired evening dresses, alternating with Uggs and Juicy Couture), but for real for real, I am not getting on this bandwagon no matter how often you insist on doing it. Fashion fail.

Next, I would just like to remind everyone again that I would like to be Victoria Beckham when I grow up:

Perfect, as usual (even with the matching red shoes). All signs of my sudden transformation point to this not happening as 1. there already is a VB, and 2. I am kind of sloppy. So, I will instead be satisfied if she joins our Dream Team of Friends and let's me borrow her shoes and accessories ('cause we all know I am not getting my hulking marathon-ized thighs into any of her clothes).

Last, I give you PRESIDENT Obama and Michelle's first dance at the Inaugural Ball, soundtrack by Beyonce:



Not gonna lie, this brings a tear to my eye... They look so happy! Michelle's pretty dress! THEY TWIRL! Beyonce gets choked up! I am quite happy that we finally have a leader that I can believe in. Good luck to President Obama!

On Baby Names, And Mistaking A Biblical Character For A Type Of Exercise

Posted by: Kim and Jen


Jennifer: Ashlee Simpson named her baby...
BRONX
for real
Bronx Mowgli Wentz
Kim: Mowgli like in The Jungle Book?!
BRONX. hee. heeeeee.
Jennifer: Oh my god, that is not even remotely ok like Brooklyn
Also, I do not believe Victoria Beckham was ever in Brooklyn to conceive
Kim: no. it's like Paris. except not as cool. and Paris was a name like when Shakespeare was writing shit.
Jennifer: yeah, so that's relatively ok, except I feel like P. Hilton has ruined the name for everyone
kind of like how you don't really see any Adolfs around anymore
Kim: hahaha, that was awesome
or like Pilates
whoa, that looks like pilates
how do you spell Pilate
Jennifer: like the Jesus killer kind?
umm
Kim: yes, lol
Jennifer: Pilate, I Googled it
and I wrote "pontius pilate" in my search because I only know it from that thing that people recite at church before communion
Kim: haha
good little ex-catholic

Shawn Johnson: Silver In All Around, Gold in ADORABLE

Posted by: Jen

Shawn Johnson can totally be the mascot of our Dream Team of friends. She is adorable, and always looks so happy! Look at her scarf! And her Uggs! I feel like I am looking at a kitten hugging a baby monkey while some ducklings pass by in the background and a rainbow appears in the sky and then it starts raining Skittles.

Posh Blows My Mind.

Posted by: Kim

What?


Our Dream Team of Friends member Posh is wearing ... leather? latex? ... tights-boots ...

With. No. Heel. They are completely heel-less! Not flat. Heel-less. With platform soles. Heel-less, platform, lat-eather bights! Wtf.

It's been a long day and all, but I don't know if there are any circumstances in which I would ever understand.

Stalking the cast of GG all the way back around to ... more of the cast of GG!

Posted by: Kim

Okay, okay, okay. How come no one told me or Jen that one of our favorites, one of our Dream Team of Friends (though we're starting to think she might not like us ...) Leighton has a boyfriend? And that it's Carter Baizen? I mean, one quick google search tells me that this is like, totally common knowledge among the diehard fans, and I am so not up on my game, here.

Anyway. Carter Baizen is hot.


And Sebastian Stan - as he likes to be called in real life - and Leighton are pretty adorable.



Amidst my stalking, I decided that Carter/Sebastian looked pretty familiar, so I did a little imdb search and learned that he was in one of the worst movies I have ever seen, ever, and I mean that in a it was really, really bad and just in a really, really bad way, as opposed to a really really GREAT bad way, which is how I usually like my movies: The Covenant.



I was super psyched for The Covenant when it came out a couple of falls ago. It's pretty much everything I want in a movie, which is to say it's about hot boys and evil and Massachusetts. I love hot boys and evil and Massachusetts. I love how every Massachusetts movie (like, Fever Pitch notwithstanding) is either a horror movie or a college-or-prep school movie, and more often than not, a preppy college horror movie. And there's ALWAYS a Salem witch running around. Fantastic.

Anyway, so I went in with the highest of hopes, and was so mad in the end.

Basically there's a really tall hot guy (Good Boy-Witch, don't know his name - this is why I am a bad celebrity stalker, I give up too easily) and a not-as-tall hot guy (Bad Boy-Witch, Carter/Sebastian) and there are some other cute little Boy Witchlets (one def. good, one maybe bad, though they drop that storyline pretty quickly which is dumb because it actually could have been interesting, and one who just hangs out) and then there are a couple of chicks there to see stuff in the shower and serve as lame catalysts. So then Carter wants to steal Tall Hot Good Witch's power because he (THGW) is turning 18 and coming into it fully or whatever, and so they have this battle and Carter's all, "How about I make you my WI-ATCH?!" (no, for real, that's what he says) and there's a gratuitous boy kiss and stuff and then Good trumps Evil but MAYBE NOT FOREVER! The end.

And OMG it is so bad. I'm not just saying this because I am a movie snob. I am not. I hate movie snobs. I want it to be good. I want to love it. I want to want it on my shelf. It's so completely right up my movie-watching alley, and yet, no. Ugh. Even with all the hot boys running around half-naked for no reason (they're swimmers!).

But anyway, so I'm all reading about how Sebastian (I haven't decided if I'm going with Carter or Sebastian yet, so, just, you know) starred in this piece of should-have-been cinematic genius, some Web site's like, "and Sebastian met his girlfriend, GG's Leighton Meester, through his Covenant co-star Chace Crawford."

Stop. Rewind. What? Nate was in The Covenant? I know, right, you're thinking, "well Kim, when you stalked Chace over to imdb to make sure he was old enough for you to be lusting over (yes), didn't you read his filmography?" Well, no. Told you. BAD STALKER. So my mind's reeling and I'm all, "Tall Hot Good Witch? Nope. Wasn't him. Carter, nope. Um, the very blond one, nope. The one with the motorcycle, nope ... OH. OH! The OTHER one! The one who doesn't do anything! The one who just hangs out! THE ONE WITH THE HUMMER! NATE'S THE WITCH WITH THE HUMMER!"


Yup.

And now I totally have to rent this. And it's still going to be bad.

But, hey. 3 more days!

No, Katie Holmes, As Much As You Insist On Pegging Your Jeans I Am Not Going To Believe You

Posted by: Jen

Posh's pants and Agyness' cut? Oh Katie. Tell Tom to let you have some meds.

Has anyone else been following Katie Holmes' descent into madness? Case in point: the pegged jeans. Yes Katie, I know your friend (and a member of our Dream Team of friends) Victoria wore David's jeans once, and you decided to follow suit. But. But! As much as you insist on wearing them out, it does not make you a trend setter or chic; just frumpy. I don't get it.

There is a picture circulating the internet of Katie wearing these jeans with socks and high heeled sandals! The brain explodes! But, it was the first time I had seen her do it so I thought maybe she had just come from dance practice because sometimes the building I work at hosts Salsa Night and all of the women who go wear dancing shoes with socks because they are intellectual and cultured and DANCE SALSA and you know they listened to an NPR podcast on the way in from Park Slope and will go home and eat something organic. OR sometimes I see ballerinas on the train and they like, hike up their tights so they stick out under their sweatpants and wear them with flip flops but that is ok because it has purpose and they look a thousand times more graceful when the train comes to a rumbling halt than I ever could -- but I have the feeling that Katie is not doing either of these things. She might eat organic though. I think Scientologists do that.

I know, I know, I say Blake can wear onesies and formal orange and Kate Moss can wear ANYTHING, but Katie can't. Please come back to us and wear pants that fit with the rest of us mortals.