Posted by: Kim
Disclaimer: My Baby Bro Ben is visiting and I kindly purchased him his beverage of choice in handle form, which is bourbon, of all things, and so now we're both drunk.
So, at this very moment I am watching the completely (and deservedly so, because it's awesome) acceptable-by-television-snobs Top Chef finale (Team Carla! Whoo dee whoo![?] What? She's toast. But I love her!) However, immediately preceding this very moment, I may or may not have been watching American Idol. Again. Ahem.
Now, when the first season of American Idol aired, I was studying abroad in London, and so I missed it entirely. As in I arrived back in the States, and in the summer of 2003 was driving around and heard Kelly Clarkson's 'A Moment Like This' and was all, "Um, what the hell is this crap?" (obvi I am now a fan, that song was her singular weak moment) and thus began my understanding.
However I never watched.
Until last week.
And then tonight.
BUT. I have had friends who consistently OMG ADORE OBSESSIVELY it. And they all have one thing in common: They HATE HATE HATE the musical theatre types, and LOOOOVE the 'edgy rocker' types that show up to compete. And then I proceed to hear David Cook on the radio and be like, "meh, 100% meh" and they are all, "BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR HIM SING 'HELLO!!!1!!11!!!!!!OMFG" and I'm all "so it IS glorified karaoke for hipsters who are too cool for musicals! A-HA!"
***** TIME OUT***** Hosea just won Top Chef. Um, snore. Aside from the time he made the crispy salmon rolls, I remember nothing. It should have been Stefan. Not that I like him. But he is better. Whatever.
Okay, back. Right, so, American Idol is no place for Broadway singers. Except ... it is a singing competition, yes? Well, I mean, it's also a beauty pageant, but, Broadway singers tend to be cutie pies, so. Anyway. All I'm saying is, enjoy musicals or not (and for the record, 90% of the time I do not -- ask Jen, we share a mutual issue with suspension of disbelief, and often -- exhibit A, Twilight 4 -- mine is even stronger than hers), Broadway-style singers tend to have the best voices.
AND OMG I HAVE A TOTAL CRUSH ON ADAM LAMBERT NOW WTF THANKS AMERICAN IDOL.
Like, the Pete Wentz look is not really my type (I mean, if the princess dress/pearl/J.Crew gushing and discussions of Nantucket and Chace Crawford hasn't yet given it away, I'm destined for matrimony with a stockbroker or perhaps a professional lacrosse player), and, I'll just throw it out there: despite the fact that "Wild Horses" unfailingly makes me cry in a good way every time I hear it, and I obviously like "Ruby Tuesday" because I'm human, I am not even that big of a Rolling Stones fan, so please don't quiz me on albums. BUT OMG. That was so fun! He was so great! His voice is fantastic! His flatironed hair is amazing!
AND THEN RANDY JACKSON TOOK IT TO THE TWILIGHT PLACE.
TWILIGHT RULES THE WORLD!
And, whilst Ryan compared him to Edward Cullen (what?), I would like to point out that Randy was comparing him to R.Pattz ... um, R. Patz? ... RPattz!zz! Robert Pattinson! Who, because maybe one other time or 17 while I was drunk I stalked a little, I know sings (I'm sure this is not news to anyone but me, so pick on something else and let me roll with it please, haters) -- BUT DOES RANDY KNOW THAT?! Seriously. Someone clarify. What was going on? Was he comparing Adam singing 'Satisfaction' to RPattz singing on the Twilight soundtrack? Cause I mean, they sounded nothing alike, aside from both awesome. Or was he talking about their mutual affection for strategically tousled hair?
DOES IT EVEN MATTER? NO. I loved this guy, and then Randy called him Edward. I mean R Pattz. I am clearly paraphrasing wherever the hell I see fit at this point. ANYWAY.
Sold. I have my American Idol. Call me, Adam. Let's go out. Or ... go shopping.
Oh, also, in addition to my new American Idol boyfriend (please, no one call me with examples of him singing the Jesus Christ Superstar score or something I have no interest in hearing, I DON'T CARE, LET ME HAVE MY FANTASY) I voted for the girl who sang 'Alone' and the girl who sang 'Bette Davis Eyes' simply because those are two of my karaoke signatures (Jen sang 'Alone' with me once, and she loved it. She can't deny.). Rock on, karaoke idols.
Showing posts with label Addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Addiction. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Jenny Humphrey! You're Making Me Nervous (Part 25)!
Posted by: Jen
Oh, sigh.
Jenny/Taylor! COME ON. You are 15, why do you insist on going out looking like a late twenty-something 80's punk rocker on the way to their third trip to rehab?! I mean, ok, it IS better than most of the 15 year old starlets out there these days, going out looking like 25 year old wanna-be sex machines (Miley, I'm looking at you) with their hair and their makeup and their grownup clothes and god I sound like my mother, but you are the only one out of all of them convincing me that a trip to the hospital for cocaine induced "exhaustion" is in your near future. Hey Jenny, remember GG season one? When you were cute and had shiny long hair and pants without holes? Yeah, that was last year, not 10 years ago. Sigh, I worry about you, and your Red Bull drinking ways.
Also, I am watching American Idol AGAIN (I really need cable. And TiVo. And I would watch endless What Not To Wear marathons and die happy) and let me tell you, I am an Adam fan tonight. When they interviewed him, I was like "AW awesome theater gay boy! Love!" and then wondered if the whole Clay Aiken debacle of the days of yore would happen again. You know, in which straight women convince themselves that the object of their desire is straight, coin a kicky nickname off of it (um, Claymates) and then three years later are ultimately embarrassed by their complete lack of gaydar. I actually knew a girl in high school who OMG LOVED LANCE BASS EEEEEE!!!1 and I don't talk to her anymore but I am sure she was a Claymate at some point. Oh yeah, and then, to further my argument, Randy said he had a "Steven Tyler, Fallout Boy, Robert Pattinson from Twilight" thing going for him, at which Adam immediately responded, "OMG, I love those books and movie!", which should clear up any and all misconceptions.
Anyway, he can totally sing! So, I voted for him and no one else because although I may be tone deaf, I didn't think any of the others were good and none of them had compelling back stories. Sigh. I just wish their were new episodes of GG and 90210 so I wouldn't have to watch this slightly amusing overgrown talent show.
Oh, sigh.
Jenny/Taylor! COME ON. You are 15, why do you insist on going out looking like a late twenty-something 80's punk rocker on the way to their third trip to rehab?! I mean, ok, it IS better than most of the 15 year old starlets out there these days, going out looking like 25 year old wanna-be sex machines (Miley, I'm looking at you) with their hair and their makeup and their grownup clothes and god I sound like my mother, but you are the only one out of all of them convincing me that a trip to the hospital for cocaine induced "exhaustion" is in your near future. Hey Jenny, remember GG season one? When you were cute and had shiny long hair and pants without holes? Yeah, that was last year, not 10 years ago. Sigh, I worry about you, and your Red Bull drinking ways.Also, I am watching American Idol AGAIN (I really need cable. And TiVo. And I would watch endless What Not To Wear marathons and die happy) and let me tell you, I am an Adam fan tonight. When they interviewed him, I was like "AW awesome theater gay boy! Love!" and then wondered if the whole Clay Aiken debacle of the days of yore would happen again. You know, in which straight women convince themselves that the object of their desire is straight, coin a kicky nickname off of it (um, Claymates) and then three years later are ultimately embarrassed by their complete lack of gaydar. I actually knew a girl in high school who OMG LOVED LANCE BASS EEEEEE!!!1 and I don't talk to her anymore but I am sure she was a Claymate at some point. Oh yeah, and then, to further my argument, Randy said he had a "Steven Tyler, Fallout Boy, Robert Pattinson from Twilight" thing going for him, at which Adam immediately responded, "OMG, I love those books and movie!", which should clear up any and all misconceptions.
Anyway, he can totally sing! So, I voted for him and no one else because although I may be tone deaf, I didn't think any of the others were good and none of them had compelling back stories. Sigh. I just wish their were new episodes of GG and 90210 so I wouldn't have to watch this slightly amusing overgrown talent show.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Come On People, You Can Never Have Too Much Cheese!
Posted by: Jen
Seriously people, I think the main difference between men and women is that for women, nothing can ever be too cheesy! I love cheese; in fact I have never met a girl that ever has said that something is TOO cheesy. That would be girl sacrilege. I'm not saying boys don't/can't like cheese (my bf loves a good cheese plate, and this is why we get along) but I am saying that girls are the experts on cheese and are more apt at determining good cheese and proper cheesiness, therefore I find it offensive when Christopher questions my love for cheese:
Jennifer: Oh I love it Chris: no, i love cheese more than you Jennifer: no, I love cheese more than you, I am sure of it Chris: no there is absolutely no chance of that Jennifer: like, I feel like if there is one kind of food that I like more it is cheese Chris: nope Jennifer: wrong Chris: no Jennifer: also, you just said that it was too cheesy Chris: i am realizing that it's not the cheese...
its the mashed potato that's screwing up slightly Jennifer: since when have you developed a sensitive palate!? Chris: never, I eat everything, and like it generally -- you know this Jennifer: exactly, and this soup is perfect Chris: you are the picky one Jennifer: maybe you are sick Chris: no, you are wrong Jennifer: nope
and now, a rebuttal (and a chance at redemption for boys everywhere):
Jennifer: Chris says there is something off about the soup...
Boy co-worker: no such thing!
Seriously people, I think the main difference between men and women is that for women, nothing can ever be too cheesy! I love cheese; in fact I have never met a girl that ever has said that something is TOO cheesy. That would be girl sacrilege. I'm not saying boys don't/can't like cheese (my bf loves a good cheese plate, and this is why we get along) but I am saying that girls are the experts on cheese and are more apt at determining good cheese and proper cheesiness, therefore I find it offensive when Christopher questions my love for cheese:
Chris: i think this soup is slightly too cheesy even for my tastes
but I am a girl and nothing can ever be too cheesy
guaranteed -- every kind, any style, doesn't matter
I do not think it is... in fact, if I had sprinkled cheese on top of it it would have been perfect
and now, a rebuttal (and a chance at redemption for boys everywhere):
Jennifer: Chris says there is something off about the soup...
he thought it was the cheese, like it was TOO CHEESY
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Sincerely Thanking The Anonymity of The Internet...
Posted by: Jen
I have a confession. Kim will not be surprised, but I want -- no, need -- to come clean and will do it under the anonymous blanket of the internet. It's like confessing behind the partition at church except without the lying about what you really did part. Anyway:
IREALLYLIKETWILIGHTMORETHANISHOULDANDIFEELGUILTY
BECAUSEIAM26ANDNOT16!!!
Ahhh.
So, I went to go see the movie in theaters because if anything, you know I love watching pretty 22 year olds playing pretty teenagers (re: Gossip Girl, any teen horror movie, and more recently, the new 90210 -- might as well come completely clean since I am confessing), and who doesn't love vampires? Anyway, I liked the movie, and didn't feel that bad because I always like movies like that -- you know, the deliciously good to watch kind that are all fluff with little substance... The kind that people who brag about listening to only NPR roll their eyes at, because it draws throngs of screaming teenage to the premier.
I am no screamer, ever, just to put that out there. Kim squees sometime and I might squeak at a cute animal but I would never, ever scream over anything, really. Not in that way at least; maybe if someone was actually trying to murder me or something.
But I digress... Kim found the first Twilight book (I am aware that they all have different names but I will call them Twilight 1-4 out of laziness) at Marshalls for like $7 and had to buy it because even though she hasn't admitted it outright, I'm pretty sure she has a crush on Robert Pattinson and just wanted an excuse to think about/visualize him more, but actually ended up really liking it in the process. She then sent it to me for xmas, and now I have a problem.
Who wouldn't like this? It is like reading crack laced candy with sexy, sexy vampires. I love it and it's addicting and yet my inner intellectual -- the one that comes out occasionally in between episodes of GG or thinking about shoes to scoff at The Davinci Code, or to edit my boyfriend's grad school application essay or to question the meaning of life -- is SO ASHAMED! IT IS FOR TEENAGERS AND IT ISN'T EVEN WRITTEN WELL BUT YET I CANNOT PUT IT DOWN! GAHHHH!
Not to mention the real actual problems I should have with it, regardless of what audience it was written for. The author's religious message, the fact that she portrays Bella as an independent woman despite the fact that the story is decidedly non-feminist and the general lack of adjectives besides "granite".
I don't care though, I really don't. And I think to myself, "Self, if you had a sexy, sexy real life vampire whispering into your ear about maybe believing in God while he was grazing your neck with his perfect mouth, would you care about religious debate?" and the answer is always a resounding, giant, NOOOOO! And that answer is giving me some kind of identity crisis because I think I stand for some stuff (Stuff! See I'm forgetting it already!) but I could easily be deterred by perfect beauty. Sigh, nobody tell Gloria Steinem, ok?
Oh, so the point of my post: tonight after work I went to Barnes & Noble to buy the second book. After perusing the new paperback fiction as not to make anyone suspicious about my mission, I casually headed to the teen section and immediately started sweating with embarrassment. Everyone else in the store was clearly buying Proust while I was standing there looking decidedly young in my dirty Converse, puffy jacket with fur around the hood and purple stripe-y gloves. And they obviously all knew what I was looking for and were silently laughing at me.
After circling the teen section unable to find Twilight 2, thinking that since I had regressed to reading children's books I clearly couldn't find one by alphabetical order anymore, I decided to ask an employee. I was horrified and slid over to one, sweating, and had the following exchange:
Me: Um hi. Do you have that book... Twilight?
Her: (Remarkably not phased about the fact that a 26 year old was asking for it) Yeah, it's on the big table in the middle of the store by the escalator.
Great. Where everyone could see. I ran over to the table, grabbed the book and sprinted to the register to pay, hiding the cover against my jacket.
The cashier did not break out in laughter either, if you were wondering. So maybe I got all worked up over nothing, or maybe she silently judged and I should be ashamed , I don't know; it was the NY Times #1 Bestseller after all, so maybe I am not pathetic, but rather just following the crowd. Anyway, internal conflict aside, all that really matters is that I finally got Twilight 2, AND AM SO EXCITED!!! And I won't have to ever relive the B&N horror ever again because now I know exactly where the Twilight table is.
I have a confession. Kim will not be surprised, but I want -- no, need -- to come clean and will do it under the anonymous blanket of the internet. It's like confessing behind the partition at church except without the lying about what you really did part. Anyway:IREALLYLIKETWILIGHTMORETHANISHOULDANDIFEELGUILTY
BECAUSEIAM26ANDNOT16!!!
Ahhh.
So, I went to go see the movie in theaters because if anything, you know I love watching pretty 22 year olds playing pretty teenagers (re: Gossip Girl, any teen horror movie, and more recently, the new 90210 -- might as well come completely clean since I am confessing), and who doesn't love vampires? Anyway, I liked the movie, and didn't feel that bad because I always like movies like that -- you know, the deliciously good to watch kind that are all fluff with little substance... The kind that people who brag about listening to only NPR roll their eyes at, because it draws throngs of screaming teenage to the premier.
I am no screamer, ever, just to put that out there. Kim squees sometime and I might squeak at a cute animal but I would never, ever scream over anything, really. Not in that way at least; maybe if someone was actually trying to murder me or something.
But I digress... Kim found the first Twilight book (I am aware that they all have different names but I will call them Twilight 1-4 out of laziness) at Marshalls for like $7 and had to buy it because even though she hasn't admitted it outright, I'm pretty sure she has a crush on Robert Pattinson and just wanted an excuse to think about/visualize him more, but actually ended up really liking it in the process. She then sent it to me for xmas, and now I have a problem.
Who wouldn't like this? It is like reading crack laced candy with sexy, sexy vampires. I love it and it's addicting and yet my inner intellectual -- the one that comes out occasionally in between episodes of GG or thinking about shoes to scoff at The Davinci Code, or to edit my boyfriend's grad school application essay or to question the meaning of life -- is SO ASHAMED! IT IS FOR TEENAGERS AND IT ISN'T EVEN WRITTEN WELL BUT YET I CANNOT PUT IT DOWN! GAHHHH!
Not to mention the real actual problems I should have with it, regardless of what audience it was written for. The author's religious message, the fact that she portrays Bella as an independent woman despite the fact that the story is decidedly non-feminist and the general lack of adjectives besides "granite".
I don't care though, I really don't. And I think to myself, "Self, if you had a sexy, sexy real life vampire whispering into your ear about maybe believing in God while he was grazing your neck with his perfect mouth, would you care about religious debate?" and the answer is always a resounding, giant, NOOOOO! And that answer is giving me some kind of identity crisis because I think I stand for some stuff (Stuff! See I'm forgetting it already!) but I could easily be deterred by perfect beauty. Sigh, nobody tell Gloria Steinem, ok?
Oh, so the point of my post: tonight after work I went to Barnes & Noble to buy the second book. After perusing the new paperback fiction as not to make anyone suspicious about my mission, I casually headed to the teen section and immediately started sweating with embarrassment. Everyone else in the store was clearly buying Proust while I was standing there looking decidedly young in my dirty Converse, puffy jacket with fur around the hood and purple stripe-y gloves. And they obviously all knew what I was looking for and were silently laughing at me.
After circling the teen section unable to find Twilight 2, thinking that since I had regressed to reading children's books I clearly couldn't find one by alphabetical order anymore, I decided to ask an employee. I was horrified and slid over to one, sweating, and had the following exchange:
Me: Um hi. Do you have that book... Twilight?
Her: (Remarkably not phased about the fact that a 26 year old was asking for it) Yeah, it's on the big table in the middle of the store by the escalator.
Great. Where everyone could see. I ran over to the table, grabbed the book and sprinted to the register to pay, hiding the cover against my jacket.
The cashier did not break out in laughter either, if you were wondering. So maybe I got all worked up over nothing, or maybe she silently judged and I should be ashamed , I don't know; it was the NY Times #1 Bestseller after all, so maybe I am not pathetic, but rather just following the crowd. Anyway, internal conflict aside, all that really matters is that I finally got Twilight 2, AND AM SO EXCITED!!! And I won't have to ever relive the B&N horror ever again because now I know exactly where the Twilight table is.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Cannot Control Zappos Problem...
Posted by: Jen
I just totally impulse bought these shoes and forgive me father for I have sinned, I feel like I should make a confession of some sort. I swore off shopping for the summer after purchasing a rather hefty priced ticket to London but then I was bored and browsing Zappos and I saw these and like, NEEDED them for London because they really totally solve my shoe issue of how many pairs of shoes to bring because they pretty much go with everything. I am elated because they are awesome and when I was on a wine tour in San Francisco a few weeks ago I saw a girl wearing the silver version and I was obsessed.
And I just pretended I wanted to buy them by putting them in my shopping cart, you know, just kidding (I mean who doesn't do this? Who doesn't go online fake shopping and fill their cart with everything they want just to see how much money they could spend only to close the window before a purchase is made because you just wanted to see and couldn't afford it anyway? Yeah.) and I was greeted with a red warning telling me to "Hurry!" because "There are only 3 left in your size!"
OMG PRESSURE. I clicked. And bought. Damn you Zappos.
Anyway, after my one click shopping spree (damn you again Zappos for being the most wonderful online shoe store that provides excellent service AND saves my shopping info), I immediately IM'd Kim for justification. Apparently she is working on something because I am getting no response. So, I IM'd my other bff/co-worker and this is how our conversation went down:
Jennifer: can you like, be gay for a minute and tell me how awesome this impulse buy is? Kim is currently unavailable:
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7465866.html
Chris: No
Jennifer: did you even click on the link?
Chris: Yes.
Jennifer: any thoughts at all?
Chris: Shoes.
Jennifer: sigh
I just totally impulse bought these shoes and forgive me father for I have sinned, I feel like I should make a confession of some sort. I swore off shopping for the summer after purchasing a rather hefty priced ticket to London but then I was bored and browsing Zappos and I saw these and like, NEEDED them for London because they really totally solve my shoe issue of how many pairs of shoes to bring because they pretty much go with everything. I am elated because they are awesome and when I was on a wine tour in San Francisco a few weeks ago I saw a girl wearing the silver version and I was obsessed.
And I just pretended I wanted to buy them by putting them in my shopping cart, you know, just kidding (I mean who doesn't do this? Who doesn't go online fake shopping and fill their cart with everything they want just to see how much money they could spend only to close the window before a purchase is made because you just wanted to see and couldn't afford it anyway? Yeah.) and I was greeted with a red warning telling me to "Hurry!" because "There are only 3 left in your size!"
OMG PRESSURE. I clicked. And bought. Damn you Zappos.
Anyway, after my one click shopping spree (damn you again Zappos for being the most wonderful online shoe store that provides excellent service AND saves my shopping info), I immediately IM'd Kim for justification. Apparently she is working on something because I am getting no response. So, I IM'd my other bff/co-worker and this is how our conversation went down:
Jennifer: can you like, be gay for a minute and tell me how awesome this impulse buy is? Kim is currently unavailable:
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7465866.html
Chris: No
Jennifer: did you even click on the link?
Chris: Yes.
Jennifer: any thoughts at all?
Chris: Shoes.
Jennifer: sigh
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