'Oh, a dinner party! That's so New York!'

Posted by: Kim

Last night I drank a vodka soda immediately after working out, and, hey, guess what happens when you do that? Severely. Wasted. But I actually didn't do anything overly stupid once Severely Wasted (I managed to complete that daily requirement at the gym, actually, when I was That Girl who malfunctioned on the treadmill - note I did not say on a malfunctioning treadmill - who somehow went from running to, you know, sort of on the ground. Oh, shoelaces, you are diabolical).

No, no. I just somehow convinced the cute boy ... er, man ... boy ... man ... that I probably have a giant crush on that we should catch up on (read: start watching) The City.

Cut to me, still in my gym clothes and sweaty ponytail and drunk face, 20 minutes later, tirading around my living room. Like we're talking obscene hand gestures, and fluctuating intonation due to intense rage.

Jen warned me that this would happen, but I refused to listen, because, see, I like Whitney Port. Well, I liked her on The Hills, anyway, cause she was sort of the voice of reason amidst the mindsuck, the one person with ambition in the middle of the vacuous hole of 'life' they were projecting to be what LA is all about. Of course, with The Hills I just totally bought it and adored it, in that way that anyone from/living in/having lived in/who prefers New York, etc., would, because, as that Sex and the City episode taught us, we are preconditioned to hate LA. But of course, like the same episode taught us, we are wrong in doing so for a number of reasons, all largely relating to the weather. But when it comes down to it, we still believe the myths. Not the myths Angelinos themselves think the rest of the world believes (you know, that they are all beautiful and rich and glam and celebrities) but the myths that they're all tacky and new money and vapid and annoying. You know, it's totally not fair, in all likelihood. But The Hills totally plays it up, and the nation totally eats it up.

So of course I was like, well, good thing they can't portray New York shittily. It's impossible! New York will beat even the most contrived of life manipulations and MTV-approved stereotypes! It's NEW YORK.

And well. New York looks great. The fashion is better (no thanks to Whitney, actually, who, as Jen has noted, somehow managed to lose the fashions sense she inexplicably had in LA when she moved to a place where people actually know what's up, but thanks to the fact that she works at DVF so we're treated to runway shows pretty often, and because Erin and Olivia do the respective hipster/socialite looks well), the music is the same, the boys are just as douchey but cooler, and the real estate is remarkably similar despite the fact that, hi, that's sort of impossible, but whatevs.

But omg, The City. You lost me at dinner parties being 'so New York' and then you buried me when, immediately after hammering home what is apparently going to be the show's niche, the 'Uptown vs. Downtown' thing (I mean, hi, see Gossip Girl, and it's Manhattan vs. Brooklyn, kthxbye), and then having uptown princess Olivia throw her New York-style dinner party at her penthouse apartment ... in Tribeca. Uh. I mean, yes, the line between Tribeca and say, Gramercy Park, or Soho, is evident. But Tribeca also isn't uptown, like, in any sense of word/location/behavior, but I guess they're going with its proximity to the Meatpacking District and how that's the trendiest and sparkliest and fashionyest and all those down and dirty Downtown hipsters are gonna be hanging exclusively at 151 sporting blunt bangs and lots of plaid and leggings, while the Uptown crowd lives at Tenjune, and, oh, hey! They're at Tenjune. Shocker.

Okay, but the kids of art dealers bit was hilarious, as was Olivia and what a bitch she is in general. Especially talking about her cotillion and Manolos, like, omfg. Also they do a good job of showing that Whitney really might be too naive for New York, although the subsequent throwdown between men over her affections is really pretty New Jersey of them, but, eh, one's Australian and the other's from, I don't know, California or Texas or something, so, sure.

I'm probably going to watch this religiously and fly into fits of rage on a weekly basis, now. But at least it's making me sit back and take a look at what MTV can do to stereotype your entire city and make it look like it's full of idiots, and so now I should take back some of my preconceived notions about LA, largely drawn from The Hills. Except, I won't.

When is Lauren coming to The City?

Whitney Port Shows She Has Learned Nothing From Diane, New York, Part 2: An Analysis of The Hills Finale Party

Posted by: Jen

So The Hills season finale was last night and all of the LA people were not surprisingly, really stupid and left the warm goodness of SoCal and came to frozen New York. Anyway, I don't watch the show because I don't have cable (I really do miss the Saturday all day marathons when I am hungover and have to watch PBS), but I did notice a few things about our favorite totally real people who happen to have a tv show:

1. Whitney Port has apparently proven that NY drugs are way harder than the kind found in LA. Case in point:

Like, WTF is this? Did she rob Stevie Nicks AND a Hawaiian Tropic girl on the way to the party? In her NY hard drug fueled euphoria did she craft a stolen lei from said Hawaiian Tropic girl into a seriously bad headband? People, this is a woman who has her own clothing line and "WORKS" in fashion. I gag. And Diane probably threw up all over herself when she saw the photos this morning.

2. I love Lauren's dress!

Sparkly! Simple! Well played! If I could fix ONE thing about this, it would be to tell L to stop doing her stupid "I'm a little teapot pose." Seriously, think of something else. Now every one laugh at how deranged/goofy Whitney looks next to Lauren!

3. What recession?

Lauren's Philip Lim dress costs $925 dollars AND IS SOLD OUT in most sizes! Really? Now I'm sad because I can't buy it even if I could afford it. Or wanted to spend what I pay for rent on a dress. Oh also, if you have a couple grand left after you buy your beautious PL sparkly wonder dress, Net-A-Porter suggests you pair it with some Louboutins and a Jimmy Choo clutch. I say, if we're all going to the breadline, we might as well look fabulous!*

* J/K, J/K, J/K FOR REAL.

Whitney Port Shows She Has Learned Nothing From Diane, New York

Posted by: Jen

Oh look everyone, Whitney was back in LA yesterday looking like... Oh I don't even know, HELL? I was trying to think of something funny and it involved the phrase "80's puking up all over her" but JESUS, this is no time to be funny. Whitney, I liked you better before when you were well dressed and uninteresting. Now you're poorly dressed and uninteresting, well done. What would Diane say? What would Lauren say? Please tell me this is for Halloween and you are going as Vito, the kid from my Jr. High that thought he was super cool and everyone jokingly voted in as School Spirit Club leader, because he dressed like this every day and it wasn't even cool in 1994.

Spring = Flowers and Headbands. Well. Who Am I To Disagree, Actually?

Posted by: Kim
(... ... where are the colors? I am supposed to be pink.)



So, while I was watching Boston get all massacred last night, apparently Lauren Conrad was showing her Fall '09 line at something called 'LA Fashion Week' (oxymoron, y/n/maybe?). I cannot find any photos from the show, but according to the comments on the Fug Girls' article about the affair, it included flowers and headbands. You'd think I'd be intrigued, but, I'm still put off by her 'designs' up until now including jerseys, and ... jerseys. And jerseys.

Apparently she and Heidi may or may not have made up, though! And it sounds like this mystifying 'LA Fashion Week' is just as glamorous and prestigious as you'd expect, complete with dumpsters, reality tv guest lists, and, you know, less-than-designers. Read about it here!

But Lauren did wear the above, and looked very pretty. The flower-child May Day pagan-ista headband is at least slightly less obnoxious than the similar ones the All-Bright hipsters have been sporting with their American Apparel dresses, so, there is that.

My Cat Is Using My Purse As A Scratching Post!

Posted by: Jen

She is a little booger. Anyway, I had a lot of thoughts to post, but nothing that would really manifest itself into a real full post, so I decided to make a list:

1. If I could achieve any resemblance to the Dismissive Look a la Blair for my daily confrontations with duchesses, socialites and maids (or you know, when fighting for a seat on the train), I would be golden. Seriously, that look cuts: eyebrows slightly raised, head cocked, and the look that says "I am through here, off with you." I need to perfect that. And then use it to render my enemies powerless.

2. I am kind of mad that Rosanna of Fox 5 News at 10 went to the morning show. I watch the news at 10 FOR Rosanna and Ernie and their thinly veiled, hate-filled friendly banter! Now I have to suffer through Ernie slinging "friendly" barbs at a poor man's Rosanna with a bad dye job and giant veneers. I did not ask for this; I do not want this. I want to hear about the lost Yorkie in Queens from both of them!

3. OH. And speaking of animals, today a man (ok so he is totally one who raves in his spare time, I swear, just to give you a visual) came on the L holding a small kitten that was gripping his shirt with all of its might, saying that he was collecting money for some animal shelter. I call bullshit, because obviously if he wanted to help animals he wouldn't be scaring the crap out of a tiny kitten while putting it in a potentially dangerous situation by bringing it on the train without a carrier! I never bother with the crazies and I was totally ready to say something, but then I was worried about the kitten (what if he really did hurt it?!) so I didn't. Everyone hug your cat tonight and be happy they aren't being used as a ploy to steal hard earned money from old ladies, people with cancer, and all of the other nice people out there to score E for the next Mother Fucker. Jerk.

4. Confession: Tonight I ate frosted mini wheats for dinner and a bag of popcorn for dessert. I am a grownup.

5. Also, YES! We got hate mail and I am so excited. After all, you're not really important until you have some haters. And according to our grammatically challenged friend, I am the less dumb/ugly one (Kim is the more dumb/not as ugly one, but don't be fooled by those details, we're both totes stupid). Remember ladies, the lesson that our hater wants you to bring home is that the smarter you are, the uglier you are. Now go bake something and stop thinking! XOXO

PS: I do not hate Lauren's dress but I now officially hate her for calling herself a designer. There is nothing new or interesting about this at all (besides the fact that I really hope she is wearing a bra because she looks like she is having a moment of slippage) and I think people are really giving her too much credit (or you know, a job). Oh hey, I just took my (bright pink) bed sheet, wrapped it around myself and pinned it with a giant safety pin. I'm a designer too!!! Also, I just took a shower so my hair is wet and it is INTENTIONAL because I am a visionary and wet hair will be The Look in Sping '09.

Heidi, You Make Me Sad.

Posted by: Kim

Pics from Just Jared


Listen, Heidi. I know we're LC's #1 fans and all, but I promise we don't side in the feud. We like you too! You are stellar entertainment, and aside from the questionable nose job and those gun photos and your continual association with Spencer, we like you! We remember S1 of The Hills and what a good friend you were and we understand all about creative editing! And you have very pretty hair, and in the photo on the right you're totally pulling off the yellow that so many have attempted and failed miserably at rocking this summer, resulting in a bunch of washed out human lemon squares strolling around town (present company possibly included).

And so anyway, what I'm trying to say is, why do you do things like those shoes (I'm willing to turn a blind eye to the white sunglasses this once, and one to the bag as well, as it may be okay from another angle, can't tell for sure ... though definitely not with the dress ... BUT THOSE SHOES, HEIDI, WHAT ARE THOSE SHOES?) ?! I'd convey my utter horror at heels with the maxi dress in the first place, but I got stumped at the horror of the heels themselves and just don't even feel the need to go any further.

I only say this because I care, Heidi, but really. The stripper chic look really doesn't do anything for anyone. Especially when your chief rival is the girl next door who pretty much wears pretty cocktail dresses six days a week and running clothes on the seventh.