Whitney Port Shows She Has Learned Nothing From Diane, New York, Part 2: An Analysis of The Hills Finale Party

Posted by: Jen

So The Hills season finale was last night and all of the LA people were not surprisingly, really stupid and left the warm goodness of SoCal and came to frozen New York. Anyway, I don't watch the show because I don't have cable (I really do miss the Saturday all day marathons when I am hungover and have to watch PBS), but I did notice a few things about our favorite totally real people who happen to have a tv show:

1. Whitney Port has apparently proven that NY drugs are way harder than the kind found in LA. Case in point:

Like, WTF is this? Did she rob Stevie Nicks AND a Hawaiian Tropic girl on the way to the party? In her NY hard drug fueled euphoria did she craft a stolen lei from said Hawaiian Tropic girl into a seriously bad headband? People, this is a woman who has her own clothing line and "WORKS" in fashion. I gag. And Diane probably threw up all over herself when she saw the photos this morning.

2. I love Lauren's dress!

Sparkly! Simple! Well played! If I could fix ONE thing about this, it would be to tell L to stop doing her stupid "I'm a little teapot pose." Seriously, think of something else. Now every one laugh at how deranged/goofy Whitney looks next to Lauren!

3. What recession?

Lauren's Philip Lim dress costs $925 dollars AND IS SOLD OUT in most sizes! Really? Now I'm sad because I can't buy it even if I could afford it. Or wanted to spend what I pay for rent on a dress. Oh also, if you have a couple grand left after you buy your beautious PL sparkly wonder dress, Net-A-Porter suggests you pair it with some Louboutins and a Jimmy Choo clutch. I say, if we're all going to the breadline, we might as well look fabulous!*

* J/K, J/K, J/K FOR REAL.

Dear Paris Hilton, Why?

Posted by: Jen

Oh Paris, for someone who shops like, ALL THE TIME, you really suck at it. Let's review:

1. Weird freaky faux belt shirt resembling an ugly belt that I would not wear if it were real, let alone drawn on to a shirt. Why do you want a fake belt "belting" your boobs?

2. An A-Line business-y skirt that almost covers your knee? Are you going for a job interview at the ugly shirt store?

3. OMG, no -- OMFG!!!1 -- ARE THOSE RED PATENT SLINGBACKS WITH TIGHTS? Dear Jesus, when did you become a 75 year old woman?!

On Xmas Xchanging

Posted by: Kim and Jen

Kim: UM DID YOU LIKE THE CARD HI Jennifer: it looks like you bought it

that is a compliment

Kim: WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT

Jennifer: I can't wait til you see mine

Kim: IT WAS MADE WITH SO MUCH LOVE

i bought the stamp with you in mind! Jennifer: lol I probably appreciate the xmas penguin more than most

Kim: yes. some people want mangers and messiahs. i know you prefer arctic birds in hats.
Jennifer: christmas is about animals in hats, elves and drinking
Jennifer: anything else, I do not care for

every now and then my mom would get a jesus card

it was always such a disappointment

Tonight Is My Office Xmas Party

Posted by: Jen


So I'm feeling festive. And so I give you: hedgehog in a sombrero!

If you're looking for a fun, reasonably priced holiday dress ...

Posted by: Kim

... allow me to point you in the direction of the Gap.

No, really. I'm sure you're having one of two thoughts ("the ... Gap? For realz?" or "Yeah. Obviously Kim would like the Gap.") and neither of them are exactly positive, but, I swear. Cute. Affordable. If I didn't have a closet so full it's starting to wake me up at night covered in a cold sweat of shame and guilt, I'd be all over half a dozen or so on the site.

As it is, I leave it to others. I'll shop vicariously.

www.gap.com

Buy (Red) Save Lives while you're at it.

Drunken Rant: Hey 303, Go Fuck Yourself!

Posted by: Jen

Ok, so wasn't going to blog because I went to happy hour and kept going and it's 2am, but then I got home and was eating delicious delicious Life cereal while watching stupid Carson Daily because Gideon Yago was on and I was interested because he is a legit reporter and then they went to the musical guest which was this band called 303 and I have no idea what it means but I am assuming it is an area code -- wait let me google it -- IT IS AND IT'S DENVER -- came on and OH MAN were they offensive/lame.

Ok, ok, ok. I know that last paragraph was a run-on sentence but work with me, I've had like eleventeen drinks and am trying. so. hard. to. type. properly. These dumb Colorado dudes had puppets and were dressed up as a fireman and a police officer and the song that they sang contained the following lyrics:

"Don't trust a ho
Never trust a ho
Won't trust a ho, that won't trust me

Shhhh girl, shut your lips
Do the Hellen Keller
And talk with your hips "

And I was like, YO, DENVER, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Like who the fuck does that? OMG. And all of the horrible LA people that go to Carson's stupid show were like rocking out in their Kitson and I almost choked on my Life cereal. I find these lyrics to be ridiculously retarded/offensive, especially coming from two ugly dudes who can barley sing and clearly got signed because their "thing" was puppets. Like really, really? HELLEN KELLER? Oh jesus. EPIC FUCKING FAIL.

Eric Will Not Be Getting His Own Show

Posted by: Jen

So that pesky rumor about a Gossip Girl spin off that was making us all nervous about which character would leave the show and commit career/show suicide by breaking up the pure magic that is GG? Totally true! But fear not everyone, Chuck is NOT leaving. And Eric is not getting his own show -- he seemed like the only logical one to me, because he is underused and totally awesome!!!

From Star Magazine:

"A network insider says the spin-off will center around the younger lives of Blake Lively and Penn Badgely's on-screen parents, played by Kelly Rutherford and Matthew Settle.

"The show will focus on the early romance between Lily and Rufus," says the insider. "It begins when they first meet, during a time when Rufus and his band are at the height of their career. The show will follow the high society and rock 'n' roll lifestyle in New York."

...The source denies rumors that an original cast member will be leaving the show to join the spin-off. Instead, two new actors will be hired to play the young Lily and Rufus. Producers are planning to introduce the new couple during a flashback scene in an upcoming episode of Gossip Girl."

Well, that actually doesn't sound like it will totally suck, as long as they make young Rufus and Lily waaaay more interesting. But I mean, an 80's version of Gossip Girl, with 80's New York and 80's fashion? Well, well Josh Schwartz, you've sparked my interest...