Drunken Rant: Hey 303, Go Fuck Yourself!

Posted by: Jen

Ok, so wasn't going to blog because I went to happy hour and kept going and it's 2am, but then I got home and was eating delicious delicious Life cereal while watching stupid Carson Daily because Gideon Yago was on and I was interested because he is a legit reporter and then they went to the musical guest which was this band called 303 and I have no idea what it means but I am assuming it is an area code -- wait let me google it -- IT IS AND IT'S DENVER -- came on and OH MAN were they offensive/lame.

Ok, ok, ok. I know that last paragraph was a run-on sentence but work with me, I've had like eleventeen drinks and am trying. so. hard. to. type. properly. These dumb Colorado dudes had puppets and were dressed up as a fireman and a police officer and the song that they sang contained the following lyrics:

"Don't trust a ho
Never trust a ho
Won't trust a ho, that won't trust me

Shhhh girl, shut your lips
Do the Hellen Keller
And talk with your hips "

And I was like, YO, DENVER, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Like who the fuck does that? OMG. And all of the horrible LA people that go to Carson's stupid show were like rocking out in their Kitson and I almost choked on my Life cereal. I find these lyrics to be ridiculously retarded/offensive, especially coming from two ugly dudes who can barley sing and clearly got signed because their "thing" was puppets. Like really, really? HELLEN KELLER? Oh jesus. EPIC FUCKING FAIL.

Life Altering Realization Of The Day:

Posted by: Jen

So today, for the first time in my life, I found out that Candlepin Bowling is not a nationwide sensation (or a lame gym class field trip when you were 8) but rather indigenous to New England. So imagine my surprise when asking my friend Chris (also featured below in my traumatic hair emergency post -- Kim is having G Chat issues today and isn't available) the totally normal "Big balls or little balls" question and getting this answer:

Chris: i bowled a 170 too, i haven't bowled that high in forever.

Jennifer: is it big or little balls?

Chris: huh? bowling balls

they are all the same size

Jennifer: no

candlepin ones are smaller

Chris: "candlepin"? wtf?

Jennifer: for real!

Chris: are you being foreign on me? dont do that.

bowling balls

regular balls

Jennifer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candlepin_bowling

oh ok, so I am a Canadian freak apparently.

Chris: i've never seen that ever in my life

Jennifer: oh, well that was the only kind of bowling I did until college

Chris: wow

Jennifer: and then I was like "Oooh big balls! Like on The Simpsons!"

Chris: weird do they even have that in new york?

Jennifer: this is hilarious, I thought everyone had it

Chris: yeah ive never even heard of it

Jennifer: "Candlepin bowling is a variation of bowling that is played primarily in the Canadian Maritime provinces and in the New England states of Maine, Massachusetts, and New Hampshire." says Wikipedia!

Mind blown. I am sorry that the children of the world have never gotten to participate in such a great sport. In fact, it makes me actually appreciate big ball bowling more just because Candlepin is so fucking hard. Going from Candlepin to big ball bowling (I will never call it "Stadium" or "10 Pin") is like not wearing shoes your whole life and walking on gravel and then suddenly being handed a pair of Chanel flats! You people have no idea how hard I had it with those tiny balls and wooden pins.