You would not believe how good I am with Photoshop (no, really)

Posted by: Kim

This morning at work I looked like this:


Which, obviously, garnered the following reaction:

me: oh man. i am kind of barfy right now.

what the hell

Jennifer: like, feeling sick?

me: yeah, like i so want to vomit all over the place so this feeling will stop

i'm considering it

Jennifer: morning sickness!

Your mother will be thrilled

me: you just made me choke on water. did not aid the sickness, fyi.

but funny.ha. ha.

(Later ...)

me: i fell asleep on my hands. at my desk. for an hour.

no one said anything.

i feel better now.

Jennifer: AHHHH

AHHH

lol

do you have a cube?

me: yes. tall walls.

and i was reading something, so my back was to the opening

so i guess it looked like i was ... studying hard?

Jennifer: that's great

me: i hope i snored

Jennifer: I wish I could take a nap

me: um, like, best use of my day so far

it had me thinking

about all the naps i will take

when i finally get a corner office with a lock on the door

like i will keep pj's and a blanket in my closet

Jennifer: lol oh I know

bosses must do that all the time

like that seinfeld episode where george sleeps under his desk

and then his boss comes in to look for him and SITS AT THE DESK to wait

and george is trapped

me: lol, i have never seen it

but i want to

that would happen to me. or you. probably you. but you wouldn't get caught.

if it DID happen to me, i would get caught. and i would manage to have had my clothes fall off while i was under there

Jennifer: no but I would have a horrifying story of lying under a desk for 3 hours waiting for my boss to move.

haha

yes, that would happen to you

me: i think i am going to draw a succession of pictures in microsoft paint based upon these events.

and that shall be my next blog post.

(I was going to continue with a succession of scandalous under-the-desk paint portraits, but now that the barfy has passed, I'm hungry. And a Gossip Girl rerun is on. And a new Hills. Oh my god I'm thirteen. Sorry.)

Anne Hathaway Attempts To Go Incognito, Fails

Posted by: Jen



Oh Anne! You almost had it! I'm sorry you were foiled by those awful, awful hot pink Wayfarers.

Oh right, can that trend die? You people look a fool in them. Seriously.

They Blinded Me With (Rage) Science!

Posted by: Jen

So I read the most disturbing article in Salon today (linked here: http://www.salon.com/books/int/2008/03/31/Nim_Chimpsky/). You'd think when I would call something disturbing it would be about the war, or the market or politics, but this, my friends, was far worse. It was a about a monkey. A BABY monkey and his horrible, horrible life.

I will give you a minute to catch your breath.

Basically, in the 70's, the groovy thing to do was Chimp Experiments. At the time, many scientists thought that animals (namely chimps) did not have the capacity to learn and understand language the way people do, so a study was done to determine if this was the case. Apparently, the scientists were all, "Hey you know what I think a good idea for an experiment would be? Let’s raise a chimp with a human family and make him think he’s a people too!” So, little Nim Chimpsky was stolen from his mother and shipped off to the Upper West Side to live with a loving family. He was treated as a member of the family. He was dressed in overalls. He had toys. He was loved. He summered in the Hamptons. And then funding ran out.

Little Nim was torn from his family and shipped off to a lead very non-Upper West Side lifestyle with other chimps! The rest of the story is really heart breaking, as Nim never recovered from it, having trouble adjusting to life as a chimp and basically being depressed until he DIED.

Later when asked, the people involved in the experiment were all, "Meh. I feel guilty but..." They never did anything about it.

GAAAAHHHHHHH! Does anyone else find this just so utterly disturbing? I mean I know most people are all like, “Oh animals don’t have feelings!” but how could they be so completely careless with a cute little fuzzy monkey?! Christ.

Kim, this makes me glad that you quit your job at the horrible bio-tech. I bet all of your chimps were just as equally, if not more, fucked with. I am all for curing Cancer or whatever, but please people, this study had no real value other than determining what chimps were or were not capable of. My cat is capable of breathing but you don’t see me holding her under water to prove it.

And now, a co-worker and myself react:

Jennifer: this is really sadddd
http://www.salon.com/books/int/2008/03/31/Nim_Chimpsky/

Charles: “Nim kept his one copy of this book safe, even though chimps tend to wreck everything. He would bring it down and show the other chimps, then bring it back to his bunk and keep it under his sleeping area so that no one could destroy it. He would just look at pictures of his New York City family, and himself, over and over again.” :'(

Jennifer: I KNOW
that was almost too much for me to handle
it's so mean that they screwed with the monkey like that
I would let Nim live with me and we would wear matching jammies and live happily ever after

Charles: i know, me too
i love the monkey

Jennifer: too bad he died

Charles: i knowes!

Charles: oh god. i wish i had a little monkey and i would teach him stuff, but if he didn't want to learn and he just wanted to play all day that'd be fine too

Jennifer: I know they thought animals didn't have feelings or whatever
but HOW could they be so careless!?
he was sad forever
and then he DIED

Charles: i know!
alfsdja;lksfdij
it's the saddest story ever told

Jennifer: Once upon a time there was a baby monkey who was very lucky and got to live on the UWS of Manhattan with a mommy and daddy who really loved him. He was happy there. And then one day funding ran out and he was sent away, never to see his mommy and daddy again, with only a picture book of memories. He was sad. And then, 30 years later, still sad, HE DIED.

Charles: .lkhdsftqhfsd'[oihFAEr
GF
SDFASDFLASDF

Jennifer: I KNOW

Charles: THERE IS NO WAY THAT DOESN'T GET SADDER THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT IT

Jennifer: I know, I seriously need a drink.

Audrey Hep-blair

Posted by: Kim

Blair! Is wet!

Earlier I looked at a shocking (like omgwtf SHOCKING, people) photo from the set of Gossip Girl and in my shock could not help but show it to Jen, who yelled at me that it is a spoiler and I am bad.

So, this is probably one too. But pfft. She's so pretty. Even when distraught. And wet. And near trash cans.

I covet her shoes.

Ashlee Attempts To Match Her Shoes To Her Skin

Posted by: Jen



I understand that she is doing the "pop of color" thing (though arguably, the completely wrong color/shoe to "pop" with). I understand that she uses self-tanner or bronzer or eats too many carrots. What I do not understand is why she felt the need to go all matchy-matchy on us.

Weekend!

Posted by: Kim

My parents are coming to Boston today to take my poor college student brother (who, obviously, has more money than I do) grocery shopping, and I was instructed not to sleep in or chance missing brunch.

When 10:30 rolled around without any word, I called my mom, who informed me that they were still an hour away, and then stated, : "Also, you interrupted me. I was TEXTING. I was typing my last letter and you called. WHAT is going to happen to my text?!"

I love parents and technology. Also, I'm going back to bed now.

Things I will be doing (later) today (and you should too!):

1.) So I can learn more fun facts to annoy Jen with: Sustainable Living Convention

2.) Okay, probably not really, but had I known earlier, OH I WOULD HAVE: AUDRINA! And some jeans

Yay Saturday.

Dear Internet, Stop Spreading Lies About Our Boyfriend! Hugs, Kim and Jen

Posted by: Kim and Jen


Kim: http://tv.msn.com/tv/hotgossip/3-27-08?GT1=BUZZ3 we can have him now or else he's gay

Jennifer: wait a sec
JC AND NATE
NO

Kim: yeah. i am thoroughly confused
have i been missing something?

Jennifer: no this is just a stupid stupid rumor with a whole page on MSN devoted to it

Sent at 4:20 PM on Friday
Kim: hee! google them. it's incredible!
this is rampant!
chace is also being accused of being gay with chuck, whose real name is ED, btw (ED?! CHUCK!) bc they are roommates.
people really want him gay

Jennifer: is Chasez French or Spanish

Kim: i would thing spanish
*think

Jennifer: all I can think of is like, chez
for like a restaurant
chez petit bistro
something something
ooo aaaayy la bibliotec
jesus
why do they want him to be gay so bad
is it because if they can't have him no (woman) one can?
know what
Chace if you are gay, please let me try my hardest to set you straight
I know that's kind of insulting but it would be fun to try!

Kim: haha, i don't think it would be hard, considering I THINK HE'S STRAIGHT
like, i dont get the hollywood obsession with gaying people
and then the people go on record and are all, no, im straight
and hollywood is like, LIES LIES THEY ARE LYING
but like, famous people arent closeted.

Jennifer: they wanted to make ellen page gay

Kim: gay is SO MUCH COOLER than straight right now

Jennifer: and she is so cute, like who really cares

Kim: the gays totes own up

Jennifer: Kevin Spacey is totes gay
and he never says he is

Kim: i remember when they gayed michael scofield
some people i know wont let it go
wait, kevin spacey likes sex?
like for not just ... art?

Jennifer: I get mad when there is a pic of Michael Schofield and a slightly chubby girl (you know, a 4 in Hollywood) and they are like GAAAYYY because obv that wouldn't be his girlfriend
like one cannot possibly have thighs and a boyfriend
I bet Kevin likes really freaky shit
only with a man, not a woman

Kim: lol
i feel like when celebrities are gay and don't want to say so, they just don't say anything
so i get mad when people go on record to deny, and everyone is like, 'well, they ARE'

Jennifer: I don't even see what the big deal is

Kim: cause ... what?

Jennifer: like, really
does it change anything

Kim: I KNOW

Jennifer: the only time I really care is when it is some right wing congressman tapping his foot in an airport bathroom stall for sex
because that's just awesome

Kim: well, except for freaky girls who would prefer pretty boys be gay bc 1)they fantasize about boy on boy, or 2)they know THEY cant have them

Jennifer: I don't fantasize about boy on boy, per se
but I wanted to be in the middle of Brokeback Mountain
I feel like that is also disrespectful
lol

Kim: but that's what everyone wants, sort of
like all the people trying to gay nate
they don't want him to embrace his gay for the good of gay or himself

Jennifer: I don't want a JC/Chace sandwich thanks
upgrade to Justin and we will talk

Kim: they want to insert themselves into nate/chuck sandwiches
isn't JC like 40 anyway
?
wtf

Jennifer: probably
they've been filming GG all over lately

Kim: oh man. back to right-wing congressmen. HA!

Jennifer: I really feel like I should try to find the set

Kim: yes, i suggest skipping work
and stalking
they film uptown. just...stroll around
sit on the MET steps eating yogurt all day!

Jennifer: omg it's so funny, you get these men being like "OH NOES TEH GAYZ! I LOOVVEE JESUS!"
and then suddenly they're in JFK tapping away
I hate yogurt
I am bringing something better
I know it's weird to hate something like yogurt, and I guess I don't hate it hate it
but I mean, I just ate it for so many years because it was healthy and I realized I never really enjoyed it so I gave up

Kim: you know what? it's only even healthy if it's like stonyfield farms. (which is actually really good)
otherwise it has lots of preservatives and high fructose corn syrup and is basically diet ice cream
like how granola isn't good for you

Jennifer: and excuse me, I would rather just eat diet ice cream

Kim: and like a granola bar is practically a three musketeers
lol

Jennifer: but those are the healthiest of candy bars

Kim: well, exactly

Jennifer: so, it's not THAT bad

Kim: lol
i would rather the candy bar

Jennifer: I can justify anything