Posted by: Jen
So I am watching One Tree Hill, that show about Lucas Scott, star basketball player/person with a defective heart/star author... And Brooke was evil but now she's awesome and Nathan and Hailey have the most precocious five year old ever (I would take him to the bar with me to hang out) and Minkus is like, a sports caster or something and is "cool" but still looks exactly the same as he did when I had a crush on Rider Strong in 1994 (whatever happened to him anyway?)! Oh god, the show went from decent, to bad, to somehow being sponsored by Sunkist soda, to five years in the future and it is actually decent again but clearly I only watch it because it is on after Gossip Girl.
ANYWAY. DAWSON FUCKING LEARY IS ON and he is some kind of famous Hollywood director (obv) and he is kind of a dick and Charlie walks into the room and Dawson quotes from Charlie's "book" and calls it "good writing" and then snorts a giant line of cocaine off of said book and somewhere in TV land Gram rolled her eyes and went to say the rosary and it was all too much and I was so excited I almost dropped my iBook .
I will say this, I love Dawson and want him back on TV all the time. Guest spot on GG, perhaps?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Something You Should Purchase Immediately And Put In Your Hair. FYI.
Posted by: Kim
I've been using Biosilk Silk Therapy replenishing treatment for a while now, and it is life-changing, I promise. I have long, thick hair that is not completely straight, but somehow also can't hold curl without the aid of about half a bottle of hairspray -- and considering I don't use hairspray pretty much as a rule, that gets difficult. Basically, it's wavy-ish on a good day, but mostly just ... a lot. So I pretty much pay homage to conditioning products on a daily basis and sing praises to the goddess of Vitamin E on every good hair day.
Aside from all the split-end reparations, it smells amazing. I actually have a mildly entertaining story about just how amazing it smells (it comes from my office, and office stories are always good, right?) -- that I will tell tomorrow.
See what I did there? This is me making a conscious effort to post more. Even if it does mean splitting posts up into two.
For now, trust me. Buy. Love. You will never go back.
I've been using Biosilk Silk Therapy replenishing treatment for a while now, and it is life-changing, I promise. I have long, thick hair that is not completely straight, but somehow also can't hold curl without the aid of about half a bottle of hairspray -- and considering I don't use hairspray pretty much as a rule, that gets difficult. Basically, it's wavy-ish on a good day, but mostly just ... a lot. So I pretty much pay homage to conditioning products on a daily basis and sing praises to the goddess of Vitamin E on every good hair day.
Aside from all the split-end reparations, it smells amazing. I actually have a mildly entertaining story about just how amazing it smells (it comes from my office, and office stories are always good, right?) -- that I will tell tomorrow.See what I did there? This is me making a conscious effort to post more. Even if it does mean splitting posts up into two.
For now, trust me. Buy. Love. You will never go back.
Jess and Ed 'Hide' Their Relationship in Plain Sight!
Posted by: Kim
Okay, so, despite the pictures of Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr making out at the Knicks game, haters and fangirls alike continue to denounce their relationship as faux on account of either, 1) ED IS OMFG LIKE SO MUCH GAY WITH CHACE; or 2) Ewwwwwwww! Vanessa! No no no no no! No Vanessa! I hate Vanessa and love Blair so much that I cannot draw the line between fantasy and reality and CHUCK CANNOT DATE VANESSA.
(I mean, it's no secret that I hate Vanessa. But I don't hate Jessica, duh. But then again, I am 10 whole years older than this show's target demographic. But then again AGAIN ... I'm pretty sure I'm in the majority of what the demographic actually is, so, ladies (and gentlemen). Grow up. It's time at 26. It's time at 24. I digress.)
Anyway, Vanessica, as I like to call her as of this afternoon, appears to have taken matters into her own hands, and while she's still not talking, she is sending the world a blatant message of the claim she has staked by wearing The Chuck Bass Scarf out in real life!!!11!
She has branded herself and I approve! Even though that scarf isn't even cute on Chuck himself, whatever. I like the subliminal messages, Jess. Keep it up.
Okay, so, despite the pictures of Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr making out at the Knicks game, haters and fangirls alike continue to denounce their relationship as faux on account of either, 1) ED IS OMFG LIKE SO MUCH GAY WITH CHACE; or 2) Ewwwwwwww! Vanessa! No no no no no! No Vanessa! I hate Vanessa and love Blair so much that I cannot draw the line between fantasy and reality and CHUCK CANNOT DATE VANESSA.
(I mean, it's no secret that I hate Vanessa. But I don't hate Jessica, duh. But then again, I am 10 whole years older than this show's target demographic. But then again AGAIN ... I'm pretty sure I'm in the majority of what the demographic actually is, so, ladies (and gentlemen). Grow up. It's time at 26. It's time at 24. I digress.)
Anyway, Vanessica, as I like to call her as of this afternoon, appears to have taken matters into her own hands, and while she's still not talking, she is sending the world a blatant message of the claim she has staked by wearing The Chuck Bass Scarf out in real life!!!11!
She has branded herself and I approve! Even though that scarf isn't even cute on Chuck himself, whatever. I like the subliminal messages, Jess. Keep it up.
Everybody Looked SO BAD At The Grammy's, So I Will Focus My Rage At Heidi's Shoes
Posted by: Jen
Ok, wtf singer people. You all looked ridic at the Grammy's last night -- like seriously, I clicked through 100 pictures and everyone looked so. bad. GAH. Let me provide some evidence, and then I will note which dresses did not make me throw up a little:
http://www.popsugar.com/2789547
Ok, so the people that did not offend me were: Marissa Miller (does she even sing?) in a safe white mini dress with a black belt (and I don't even particularly like large belts), Kathy Griffin in her nice blue number (I know for a fact that she does NOT sing), and Cyndi Lauper (CYNDI "I AM THE 80'S" LAUPER, PEOPLE!!!1) in her cute tux jacket.
To everyone else, OMFGWTF? It was like 80's threw up on 30's and mated with bad fabric and then had giant ugly ornate flower babies.
However, besides the aforementioned non-offending ladies, we did have one winner of the night, and of all people in the entire universe it was...
Yeah. AUDRINA! With her cute little bun and non-offensive dress. And she doesn't even DO ANYTHING. Now, I don't even like music, but I am sure that you musical people are not so creative and artsy to not care about what you look like, right? Prove it.
Anyway. Anyway. Now, onto the Most Offensive Thing I Have Witnessed All Year. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Heidi Montag's shoes:
PLATFORM SNEAKERS!!! Spencer has finally eaten her brain, I am sure of it.
Ok, wtf singer people. You all looked ridic at the Grammy's last night -- like seriously, I clicked through 100 pictures and everyone looked so. bad. GAH. Let me provide some evidence, and then I will note which dresses did not make me throw up a little:
http://www.popsugar.com/2789547
Ok, so the people that did not offend me were: Marissa Miller (does she even sing?) in a safe white mini dress with a black belt (and I don't even particularly like large belts), Kathy Griffin in her nice blue number (I know for a fact that she does NOT sing), and Cyndi Lauper (CYNDI "I AM THE 80'S" LAUPER, PEOPLE!!!1) in her cute tux jacket.
To everyone else, OMFGWTF? It was like 80's threw up on 30's and mated with bad fabric and then had giant ugly ornate flower babies.
However, besides the aforementioned non-offending ladies, we did have one winner of the night, and of all people in the entire universe it was...
Yeah. AUDRINA! With her cute little bun and non-offensive dress. And she doesn't even DO ANYTHING. Now, I don't even like music, but I am sure that you musical people are not so creative and artsy to not care about what you look like, right? Prove it.Anyway. Anyway. Now, onto the Most Offensive Thing I Have Witnessed All Year. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Heidi Montag's shoes:
PLATFORM SNEAKERS!!! Spencer has finally eaten her brain, I am sure of it.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
You Amuse Me, Dustin Hoffman
Posted by: Jen
The scene: Dustin Hoffman reacting (ok, clearly just messing with) to the work of the paparazzi while being photographed by said paparazzi. Oh, how meta! I vote him honorary grandpa of our Dream Team of Friends!
Dustin is clearly upset over mysteriously dead toddler Caylee Anthony! Like millions of others, he still can't get enough!
Dustin views Gennifer Goodwin's tangerine/bead/vomit colored shoes monstrosity from the He's Just Not That In To You premier. He is unimpressed, perhaps nonplussed.
Sigh. You can see the tangerine monstrosity here: http://www.fabsugar.com/2766278. Take it from me, Gin (Kim and I wonder if perhaps on the night of your conception, your parents got drunk on gin martinis and decided to combine their love of Bombay Saphire with one of the most popular names of the late 70's/early 80's, because really, what else are we expected to think?) as a girl who also has the Wednesday Adams thing going on, tropical fruit colors are NOT your friend!
The scene: Dustin Hoffman reacting (ok, clearly just messing with) to the work of the paparazzi while being photographed by said paparazzi. Oh, how meta! I vote him honorary grandpa of our Dream Team of Friends!
Dustin is clearly upset over mysteriously dead toddler Caylee Anthony! Like millions of others, he still can't get enough!
Dustin views Gennifer Goodwin's tangerine/bead/vomit colored shoes monstrosity from the He's Just Not That In To You premier. He is unimpressed, perhaps nonplussed. Sigh. You can see the tangerine monstrosity here: http://www.fabsugar.com/2766278. Take it from me, Gin (Kim and I wonder if perhaps on the night of your conception, your parents got drunk on gin martinis and decided to combine their love of Bombay Saphire with one of the most popular names of the late 70's/early 80's, because really, what else are we expected to think?) as a girl who also has the Wednesday Adams thing going on, tropical fruit colors are NOT your friend!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sigh.
Posted by: Kim
Dear Gossip Girl writers,
Slander is defamation of character by spoken word. As in, not by publishing in a written medium, like in a newspaper or, you know, ON A WEB SITE.
You were going for libel. Um, duh.
ALSO, HAROLD THE LAWYER WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT OMFG.
XOXO,
Kim, Friendly Former Journalist and Wannabe Lawyer
Dear Gossip Girl writers,
Slander is defamation of character by spoken word. As in, not by publishing in a written medium, like in a newspaper or, you know, ON A WEB SITE.
You were going for libel. Um, duh.
ALSO, HAROLD THE LAWYER WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT OMFG.
XOXO,
Kim, Friendly Former Journalist and Wannabe Lawyer
Unflattering Pants Captivate Nation; We Defend Jessica Simpson
Posted by: Kim and Jen
Jennifer: [Redacted insensitive boy] is calling Jessica Simpson fat
and I am getting outraged
Kim: OH GOD I AM SO SICK OF THAT CRAP.
Jennifer: he finally backed down to that she wasn't "fat" but "looks different"
Kim: she is probably a size 6 at the largest instead of a 2 because she got happy and comfortable and stopped starving herself, and wore a bad outfit!
Jennifer: I'm like, IT IS A BAD OUTFIT PLUS MAYBE SHE GAINED 10 POUNDS MAX!!!
and I was like 1. let's see pictures of all of these shit talkers...
Kim: seriously. that whole explosion of press/scrutiny was TERRIBLE.
Jennifer: 2. most girls would like to look liker her, how do you think that makes them feel?!
Kim: i was like, 'um, our nation just did an amazing thing last week, and now we are back to looking like complete and utter douche bags.'
THAT was the number one story.
hot blonde eats some chili. STOP THE PRESSES.
ew.
Jennifer: [Redacted insensitive boy] said her arms are "huge"
Kim: i think it's a shitty camera angle from the ground up, and she happens to not have muscle tone in them. like, you know, 82% of women?
Jennifer: I know, it makes me so mad that he thinks it's ok to comment on this
Kim: yeah. i don’t like it either.
stupid boy.
of course if he gets a gut it's funny... and socially acceptable!
arghhhhh
Jennifer: yes, you know who I hate?
Seth Rogen!
not because I don't think he is funny or whatever... well I don't think he is funny, but I mean, he's ok, if you're into that sort of thing...
but I hate him because he is ugly and gets a free pass
there I said it!!!
he is hairy and chubby and he get's credit where he doesn't deserve it!
and Jessica Simpson stops working out for 20 seconds and she gets the most coverage she's ever gotten!
Kim: yes. i agree. it's really bad.
and like, it is totally within realm that we are supposed to believe women who look like Katherine Heigl would find Rogen cute in some way.
Jennifer: I know!
Kim: like women are expected to be endeared to the fat and hairy as long as there is personality?
Jennifer: but Jessica looks perfect + 10lbs and suddenly she is gross and has "huge arms"
Kim: but if a dude was like, 'you know, i think J Simp looks better with the extra pounds' all his friends would start screaming about Miranda Kerr and disown him.
i know it's been a double standard for a long time, but still.
like we are really supposed to accept that acceptance means no girl is ever out of a guy's league???
Jennifer: I KNOW
I KNOW!!!1
Kim: but ladies, do NOT lose your looks
or you can suck it!
Jennifer: like, how dudes go, "I would fuck her"
oh you would, really?
thank you for letting the world know that you would deign to fuck her!
Kim: RIGHT
i'd do her.
oh yeah? would SHE do you?
Jennifer: it doesn't matter, she's supposed to love male attention
Kim: like i wonder if Jess Simpson would really be all up on [Redacted insensitive boy]'s jock.
Jennifer: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Kim: really.
Jennifer: no that's the thing: all of these people are "grossed out" or whatever
well what do you think she would think about you?!
Kim: you don’t think she might be like, 1) Nick, check. 2) John Mayer, check. 3) Tony Romo, check. um.
i mean, so i don’t think they’re all hot necessarily
Jennifer: but they have their perks
Kim: stupid men now declaring someone un-fuckable because she's not as skinny as she used to be.
Tony doesn’t seem to have a problem.
i'm with Tony. TRUST THE QUARTERBACKS, DUH.
Jennifer: yeah and he is like an alpha male
it's the betas that get nasty about it!
Kim: YES
Jennifer: wish fulfillment and all that
Kim: omg. THAT IS EXACTLY IT
it's like they KNOW something is above them and can't stand it ...
Jennifer: of course
Kim: and now that it's not AS perfect
they are like, I WOULD NOT DARE.
and it's like, uh, yeah, she still wouldn't either, fyi.
Jennifer: [Redacted insensitive boy] is calling Jessica Simpson fatand I am getting outraged
Kim: OH GOD I AM SO SICK OF THAT CRAP.
Jennifer: he finally backed down to that she wasn't "fat" but "looks different"
Kim: she is probably a size 6 at the largest instead of a 2 because she got happy and comfortable and stopped starving herself, and wore a bad outfit!
Jennifer: I'm like, IT IS A BAD OUTFIT PLUS MAYBE SHE GAINED 10 POUNDS MAX!!!
and I was like 1. let's see pictures of all of these shit talkers...
Kim: seriously. that whole explosion of press/scrutiny was TERRIBLE.
Jennifer: 2. most girls would like to look liker her, how do you think that makes them feel?!
Kim: i was like, 'um, our nation just did an amazing thing last week, and now we are back to looking like complete and utter douche bags.'
THAT was the number one story.
hot blonde eats some chili. STOP THE PRESSES.
ew.
Jennifer: [Redacted insensitive boy] said her arms are "huge"
Kim: i think it's a shitty camera angle from the ground up, and she happens to not have muscle tone in them. like, you know, 82% of women?
Jennifer: I know, it makes me so mad that he thinks it's ok to comment on this
Kim: yeah. i don’t like it either.
stupid boy.
of course if he gets a gut it's funny... and socially acceptable!
arghhhhh
Jennifer: yes, you know who I hate?
Seth Rogen!
not because I don't think he is funny or whatever... well I don't think he is funny, but I mean, he's ok, if you're into that sort of thing...
but I hate him because he is ugly and gets a free pass
there I said it!!!
he is hairy and chubby and he get's credit where he doesn't deserve it!
and Jessica Simpson stops working out for 20 seconds and she gets the most coverage she's ever gotten!
Kim: yes. i agree. it's really bad.
and like, it is totally within realm that we are supposed to believe women who look like Katherine Heigl would find Rogen cute in some way.
Jennifer: I know!
Kim: like women are expected to be endeared to the fat and hairy as long as there is personality?
Jennifer: but Jessica looks perfect + 10lbs and suddenly she is gross and has "huge arms"
Kim: but if a dude was like, 'you know, i think J Simp looks better with the extra pounds' all his friends would start screaming about Miranda Kerr and disown him.
i know it's been a double standard for a long time, but still.
like we are really supposed to accept that acceptance means no girl is ever out of a guy's league???
Jennifer: I KNOW
I KNOW!!!1
Kim: but ladies, do NOT lose your looks
or you can suck it!
Jennifer: like, how dudes go, "I would fuck her"
oh you would, really?
thank you for letting the world know that you would deign to fuck her!
Kim: RIGHT
i'd do her.
oh yeah? would SHE do you?
Jennifer: it doesn't matter, she's supposed to love male attention
Kim: like i wonder if Jess Simpson would really be all up on [Redacted insensitive boy]'s jock.
Jennifer: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Kim: really.
Jennifer: no that's the thing: all of these people are "grossed out" or whatever
well what do you think she would think about you?!
Kim: you don’t think she might be like, 1) Nick, check. 2) John Mayer, check. 3) Tony Romo, check. um.
i mean, so i don’t think they’re all hot necessarily
Jennifer: but they have their perks
Kim: stupid men now declaring someone un-fuckable because she's not as skinny as she used to be.
Tony doesn’t seem to have a problem.
i'm with Tony. TRUST THE QUARTERBACKS, DUH.
Jennifer: yeah and he is like an alpha male
it's the betas that get nasty about it!
Kim: YES
Jennifer: wish fulfillment and all that
Kim: omg. THAT IS EXACTLY IT
it's like they KNOW something is above them and can't stand it ...
Jennifer: of course
Kim: and now that it's not AS perfect
they are like, I WOULD NOT DARE.
and it's like, uh, yeah, she still wouldn't either, fyi.
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