Thursday, July 31, 2008

My Serious Non Rhetorical Question Of The Day:

Posted by: Jen

Does the Bush family have ties with Exxon?

Sorry, that was my father finally rubbing off on me and my conspiracy theorist coming through (please, don't even ask me what I think about the correlation between banning reproductive choices and poverty and the big plan to keep us down).

But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, Exxon makes the biggest profit in like the history of ever and we've been sitting here (well, not me, because I don't drive) paying $4+ a gallon? I mean, I kind of assumed that because prices were up everyone suffered, including business profit margins. I guess I was wrong. And why the fuck is this story not plastered on the main headlines of CNN but "Jessica Simpson: Loves To Be In Love" is?

Ok, ok they made like 12 billion dollars in profit this quarter, and I am all for getting yours and making it big, but they were profiting off of the backs off of working people in such an excessive way and it just doesn't seem right. If they decided the forsake like 3 billion, it probably would have made the majority of drivers' lives a lot easier. Like seriously, I love shoes and vacations but sometimes we need to step aside and look at the big picture and think about other people before we think about ourselves. Just saying.

Oh, and these profits... The record ones... Were lower than expected. So they knew what they were doing. So it wasn't all like, "Ooops! We accidentally raised prices to rediculously high levels and accidentally made a shit ton of money! Sorry guys, I always tell the accountants to use Excel but they insist on using Calculator and MS Word with tables for the final figures and you know how that goes! He he he!"

Also, for the record, if offered a suitcase with 1 million dollars and told I could have it if I choked a puppy to death, I would not do it. Think about that for a bit, Exxon.

Cannot Control Zappos Problem...

Posted by: Jen
I just totally impulse bought these shoes and forgive me father for I have sinned, I feel like I should make a confession of some sort. I swore off shopping for the summer after purchasing a rather hefty priced ticket to London but then I was bored and browsing Zappos and I saw these and like, NEEDED them for London because they really totally solve my shoe issue of how many pairs of shoes to bring because they pretty much go with everything. I am elated because they are awesome and when I was on a wine tour in San Francisco a few weeks ago I saw a girl wearing the silver version and I was obsessed.

And I just pretended I wanted to buy them by putting them in my shopping cart, you know, just kidding (I mean who doesn't do this? Who doesn't go online fake shopping and fill their cart with everything they want just to see how much money they could spend only to close the window before a purchase is made because you just wanted to see and couldn't afford it anyway? Yeah.) and I was greeted with a red warning telling me to "Hurry!" because "There are only 3 left in your size!"

OMG PRESSURE. I clicked. And bought. Damn you Zappos.

Anyway, after my one click shopping spree (damn you again Zappos for being the most wonderful online shoe store that provides excellent service AND saves my shopping info), I immediately IM'd Kim for justification. Apparently she is working on something because I am getting no response. So, I IM'd my other bff/co-worker and this is how our conversation went down:

Jennifer: can you like, be gay for a minute and tell me how awesome this impulse buy is? Kim is currently unavailable:
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7465866.html

Chris: No

Jennifer: did you even click on the link?

Chris: Yes.

Jennifer: any thoughts at all?

Chris: Shoes.

Jennifer: sigh

I will miss my roommates when I abandon Beantown.

Posted by: Kim

Because everyone regresses after a couple of years of being 'grown up,' it seems:

Kim is cooking latkes at 9 p.m. because it occurred to her dinner was a great idea, but, like, not all the way, just some snacks would really be fine.

Kim turns to Roommate J to talk about eating applesauce with potato pancakes, as the idea of doing so is blowing J's mind, which, in turn, is blowing Kim's mind, as Kim has always liked applesauce with potato pancakes.

Then again, Kim just kind of has this love affair going with applesauce in general. Jen knows.

Kim eventually turns back to cook the latkes ...

But they have disappeared.

Cut to 10 minutes later, and Kim is still frantically running around the kitchen/living room/sun porch in a frenzy, digging around in such likely places as her purse and the liquor cabinet for where she may have accidentally put the latkes when she somehow removed them from the counter without noticing.

Finally, Roommate T wanders by and reaches up on top of a cabinet to casually pull down the latkes. 'Are these them?'

Kim: 'YES! OMG! How did they get up ... hey! You assface.'

Roommate T congratulates himself on a job well done, and then he and Roommate J leave to go get ice cream.

Cut to 10 minutes later, when Kim dumps latkes on a plate and goes for her applesauce ...

(Phone) T: 'Hi Kim.'
Kim: 'Tell me where my applesauce is before I cut a bitch!'

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Pants Aren't Even The Best Thing About This...

Posted by: JenYou need to click on this to see the reaction. It's kind of how I looked the day I saw Jenny downtown. Except instead of the person next to me looking absolutely enthralled, it was my boyfriend mocking me for getting excited over a 14 year old.

But rather, the GG SUPERFANS!!1 behind Ed who are clearly freaking out over:

1. His pants (oh thank you Fashion Gods. Those are amazing and awful and I love them and just feel so wrong about it. I think I like lavender on men. I have been trying to convince my boyfriend that a lavender shirt would look hot under a dark gray suit. He doesn't believe me, but as I stated before this is the same man who, for an entire summer, wore a bathing suit with Hawaiian flowers on it all around the city as SHORTS, so I will take his rejection lightly)

2. Chuck Fucking Bass

Give Me My Scrabulous, Bitches!

Posted by: Jen


Scrabulous has been taken down by Hasbro! Say it ain't so!

The drama officially started yesterday morning, when to to my horror, a bitchy note was where the wonderful, glorious Facebook Scrabulous application used to be, stating simply that "Scrabulous was no longer available in the US or Canada." No explanation as to why, or as to why the Europeans will get to keep playing when I don't, but there was a suggestion to play the Hasbro approved version. In my panic (and forgetting my allegiances to Scrabulous) I decided to try... It didn't work.

Cut to today, when a co-worker sent me this horrifying NY Times article which included frightening statements such as:

"The demise of Scrabulous was sudden but not wholly unexpected. The game, a favorite time-waster among cubicle dwellers, was created by two brothers in Calcutta. On July 24, Hasbro, which owns the North American rights to Scrabble, sued them for copyright infringement. On Tuesday, the brothers made Scrabulous unavailable to Facebook users in Canada and the United States, citing legal pressure."

Sigh. Legal pressure.

But (this is my favorite part) apparently, the reason why the authorized version of Scrabble was hacked by someone upset by the sudden removal of The Best Thing About Facebook. Good riddance I say:


"The authorized game had been the victim of “a malicious attack” on Tuesday morning, its developer said — an attack that came right on the heels of the sudden disappearance of Scrabulous."

I mean, yeah Hasbro has intellectual property rights blah blah blah and I understand that, but that doesn't make me hate them less for being total fun killers (who are just mad because they didn't think up The Most Awesome Idea Ever For People Who Are Bored). Next time I go to a bar that features Scrabble, I will decline a friendly challenge.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Confession: I Am SO Excited For SotTP2

Posted by: Jen

So, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 premeired in New York last night and I WASN'T INVITED (again). Anyway, confession time: I reaallly liked the first movie and am very excited for the second. Kim should come to town so we can see it together and cry into our giant tub of popcorn and my box of Sno Caps and her box of Gummi Worms because obviously we have exactly opposite taste when it comes to most foods. Except for white chocolate. We hate white chocolate! I mean really, anyone who likes white chocolate clearly cannot be trusted because it is just so unnatural and NOT CHOCOLATE AT ALL.

But I digress. The cast was out looking awesome, along with our favorites from GG and a couple of randoms that I had to throw in for fun.

I have no idea why the pictures are so small, but I think if you click on them, you can see them in full:

Our stars! They all look great though I am seriously questioning Amber's one-sie (or however it's spelled). Yes, Gwyneth can pull it off, and Maggie, and even Blake can do the shorts version, however, I am nervous about this one. Blake shows us how to successfully wear formal orange, and Alexis is wearing what I would wear.

America for the win though! Look at her! So pretty, love the color!

Leighton reminds us that while she isn't in this movie, she should have been.

Ed goes for a lumberjack meets Nantucket look and pulls it off, probably because he forgot that he isn't actually Chuck Bass.

Some eye candy for all. We're wearing the same pants today, by the way.

I have no idea who this kid is but I love him so much. He can be my replacement BFF when Kim is not available! Look at him! Adorable! And you know he is seriously questioning Amber's outfit.

This is Lindsay Lohan's sister and she is 14. Somebody call Stacy & Clinton and Child Services because this girl needs help.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Mondays kick my butt.

Posted by: Kim

It has to be a bad sign that when I got home from work I had so much work to do I was forced to lie down and nap for 45 minutes in order to 1) stop panicking, and 2) ensure I'd actually do some work and not just fall asleep on top of it.

Now I'm sitting on the floor with the television on, drinking hot coffee in 80-degree weather, not working.

In my defense, I'm sitting on the floor as opposed to the couch because I know once I sit on the couch it's all over.

Also, I'm watching baseball. I love baseball. I do not often blog about baseball, because, while New York is cooler than Boston and Jen is cooler than Kim ...

I love the Boston Red Sox!

But I get called names when I say that too much.

(Not by Jen.)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Overheard on the Cape

Posted by: Kim

At the high-speed ferry dock...

Girl in head-to-toe Lily Pulitzer: "I'm sorry, I mean, I like the idea of the black and white party, but it's the second weekend of September and I just can't get behind wearing white after Labor Day!'

Girl with some amazing, vintage (perhaps) Louis luggage and three pearl bracelets: "So, wear black? And anyway, didn't that rule die out like, before we were born?"
GILP: "I don't know, okay, but I have to embrace antiquated rules. What am I if unable to judge people based on things they might not understand purely because they are of a lower class?"
GWLLATPB: "Nothing, I guess. But anyway, isn't that rule just white shoes?"
GILP: "See, if you could not point out shit like this 18 years too late, I might remember more often why we're friends!"

+ 4 million points for the use of "antiquated." OMG.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I'm all in favor of the sexy retro-style one-pieces (cannot WAIT to see B&S in the Hamptons) ...

Posted by: Kim

However, this? This is not cute.
And it is the most rampant ad of the hour. Sheesh.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Kim's World Implosion, Version 072008

Posted by: Kim

Today I am pouty and sad and picking the m&m's out of my trail mix because vodka is frowned upon at work and I need a substitute.

What'd I ever do to you, Universe?

Wahhhhh.

* No, nothing really seriously tragic happened.
** Yes, I'm melodramatic. (But ask Jen! More dumb crap happens to me than almost anyone!)
*** It helps, when I am in states such as this, if you keep in mind the fact that I am adorable, and, when pouty and whiny and trail-mix-picky, I look almost exactly like this:



Thursday, July 17, 2008

On The Frivolous...

Posted by: Jen

Jen: I love how J Crew thinks they can sell ballet flats for like $200
really, $500 for a strap?
hee, that is fabulous
If I saw someone wearing those I would probably make fun of them
Kim: yeah, their shoes are out of control expensive.
well, come ON. they had to GO ALL THE WAY TO ITALY AND KILL AN ALLIGATOR to make those!
lol. wtf. that's incredible.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I Am So Incredibly Lame

Posted by: Jen

Seriously, you'd think I don't have a life or friends or a job or a hobby or a boyfriend or something. Anyway. Here. Watch. GG Season 2 teasers. You're welcome.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

What Do Longchamp And The Dark Knight Have In Common? Part II

Posted by: Jen

Ok, part II, The Dark Knight premiere:


Ed shows us that he has fully morphed into Chuck Bass. Dapper. Sexy. He has me completely fooled.

Blake is so pretty and totally pulls off an embellished romper. As with maxi dresses, I am on the fence with rompers, but because I know that wearing a romper would probably not make me fall on my face, I would probably wear a formal embellished one out well before trying to run for the subway in a maxi dress. Seriously, those dresses are asking for death. Or at least flashing someone accidentally.

Dan looks at S and is like, "Oh shit!"
Meanwhile, S is thinking, "If I stand over here, no one will know I am with him!"

"I didn't know this was a formal event! I thought Blake was wearing pajamas! Shit! Now I am here in a mesh cardigan and totally embarrassed. Dammit!"

What Do Longchamp And The Dark Knight Have In Common? Part I

Posted by: Jen

The cast of GG, of course! Everyone was out last night, either for The Dark Knight premiere or the Longchamp party. I think it's strange that Ed, Dan and Serena were invited to the movie premiere while Leighton showed up with Vanessa and Nicole at the Longchamp party. Also, my girlcrush Diane Kruger was there (she always looks fabulous! She dates Pacey!), and well... Needed a longer shirt.

First up: Longchamp!

Side-note, I have a $200 gift certificate to Bloomingdales and am thinking about getting a Longchamp bag... Not the classic one, but the patent leather Kate Moss endorsed kind. What do you think?

Anyway. Longchamp!

Leighton's all like, "Hey, yes I poured myself into this dress and I look hot! Also, please check my righteous shoes!"


Vanessa, were you in my closet? Please return that soon as I am going on vacation this weekend and will need it.


So if only we could all look this good in a candid party Polaroid. I bet they got free stuff too! Seriously, I am failing at getting onto the guest lists at these events.

Lastly, Diane: Are your pants too high? Maybe. Is your shirt too short? Definitely. Is the hat a Samantha Ronson rip-off? YES. Oh Diane, you just made my head explode and not in the good way. We can still be friends though, because your red clutch slightly redeems you and you normally look so nice. I know Pacey told you that you looked cute before you left the house but that is because HE LOVES YOU! I let my boyfriend walk around New York all last summer wearing a pair of Hawaiian flower board shorts and didn't say anything even though I should have... Love blinds fashion sense; do not be a victim!

Monday, July 14, 2008

I am not usually such a trend slave, but, I really like wearing nightgowns to the office?

Posted by: Kim

Following a lengthy, lengthy internal debate, I purchased a maxi dress. Now, I am 5'4" when I'm lying to myself, so there was a time (spring) when I was certain that these dresses, pretty as they were, were created only for the Giselles and Serenas of the world.

Jen agreed. Jen told me not to cave, and to avoid the maxi dress. Jen is smart, as we know.

But I couldn't help but notice our girl LC pulling them off (is that questionable? open for interpretation? she pulled them off in my eyes, anyway):



So she could obviously do with a little hem, but, overall, good stuff, right? So I was all prepared to buy a maxi dress and hem it to fit my midgety self rather than stand on it (see: red dress, top). Then I remembered that I would never actually remember to go get it hemmed and probably just trip a lot and look like a stumpy fool. So I jumped off the maxi dress train.


And then? Leighton Meester to the rescue. (Because we all know Blair Waldorf wouldn't wear something so bohemian, come on):









SOLD! Yes, I would like to look like that, please! Cut to the weekend, and Kim happily toting home her royal purple maxi dress, very similar to the LC's red one up top.


Thoughts thus far: Well, unlike on LC up there, it is apparent even while wearing a maxi dress that I do indeed have feet. So that's good. Um, I've tripped twice. That's bad. Everyone compliments it! So that's good. I, uh, look nothing like Leighton Meester in it. That's bad.

Toss up.

I'm probably going to wear it twice a week until it snows.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Oh Jesus, Heidi We Are In A Fight.

Posted by: Jen

Oh. My. God. Heidi. I feel like this is the end of the road for us. I had so much hope for you, I really thought you'd make it out ok. And then I see THESE pictures. Heidi, seriously, what the fuck? I knew you were a Republican but I figured it was because your dad is and you like money and want to keep as much of it as possible, but still. STILL! Ugh.

You can hide behind your Birkin all you want but it seems to me the true colors are coming out. Come hither stare! With a gun! IN PLATFORM ESPADRILLES! My head has just exploded with the trashtasticness of it all.


Heidi, exactly which demographic are you trying to pander to here? You got all of the spoiled 16 year olds so now you are going after people with cars on their lawns? OMG, why don't you just put on an American Flag bikini while you're at it?

I know Spencer put you up to this, but if Spencer jumped off a bridge, would you do it to? Do not answer me, I have officially moved to team Audrina all the way. And Lauren. The worst Lauren would do is go out of the house in Old Navy flip flops and maybe drink too many margaritas and push someone in the pool. Sigh. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Back from vacation, sad about it.

Posted by: Kim


So I'm back from vacation, which pretty much means I went to work today and should be working tonight but am instead lying in bed sulking. I also wore makeup today, got not one speck of sand in any compromising areas, and brushed my hair and did not stick blue hydrangeas in it, so, yeah. Back to real life. Ew.

I did, however, by a hydrangea plant (sadly purplish, not the bright bright blue that is my favorite) on my way back up to sweltering Boston just because the nostalgia was already killing me. I've decided to name it Madaket, and it is already dying. Someone tell me how to raise it! I don't typically garden.

In a nutshell: Vodka, tubing, Jaws marathoning (ish), boats!, thunderstorms, Cisco Brewery (the happiest place on earth?), beautiful people in insane (-ly amazingly perfect) clothing, dancing 'til we fell down, lobster at midnight, night swimming, almost getting arrested ... as a group of 15 ... sans clothes, recovery by bloody mary, beach beach beach, mudslides in the gazebo, house parties, impulse purchases, yacht stalking, stalked back by cougars, singalongs, driving too fast late at night, refusing to go back in the water after the shark was spotted ... then getting back in 10 minutes later, not checking email, not checking voicemail, doing whatever we wanted.

I'd like to go back now.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Yes, Madonna, NO ONE Will Notice You Like That...

Posted by: Jen


Yes. Yes. It is all the perfect disguise! T-straps, basketball shorts and a hoodie when it is well above 80 degrees. You don't want us looking at you at all, do you?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

I had a traumatic (-ally AWESOME!) experience and may or may not be self-medicating.

Posted by: Kim

It's true, loyal readers, my car has been smushed and I have sexy sexy bruises covering the left side of my body ...

Just in time for my vacation to the beach!

If you know me, which would mean, amongst our readership, you are ... Jen ... you know I come from the beach. Thus I should probably not be quite so excited about vacationing at the beach.

But I am suckas, and I hope you all enjoy work Monday and Tuesday while I'm pretending to be rich and famous and straight up being fabulous!

My plan is to pen the glorious tale of the demise of The Silver Bullet (Of course my car had a name. Of course it had the same name has my vibrator. Hi mom.) and the Beginning Of The Rest of My Life, but, I'm not gonna lie to you ...

This is what's going on tonight, as I write three press releases and a newsletter on deadline, do laundry, and pack for said vacation (which does not kick in until I work half a day at the lovely day job tomorrow) ...

IS THIS NOT THE MOST AMAZING GIN BOTTLE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR GIN-GUZZLING LIFE?!

It tastes pretty damn good as well. Citrusy and maybe a little ... flowery? In a good way.

Unfortunately as this post is probably now misleading you to believe, I am not spending my beach vacation in the Hamptons.
I am, after all, for a little while longer anyway, the Boston half of Team Kim & Jen. This means that the fair isle of Nantucket gets me in all my bruised glory on the beach for five days.

Here's a little secret: Nantucket kicks the Hamptons' ass any day!

Here's another: That's probably a lie.

I've never been to the Hamptons, but I'm pretty sure I would fit right in. I've got madras. I've got gin. I've got blonde hair buried somewhere under all the brunette dye I've been messing with. Someone, call me. Take me to your ... bungalow? Chuck?

Whatev. Nantucket rocks my face. I'll be back with red pants and Triple Eight vodka and someone's parents' pharmaceutical cabinet.

Here's to the summer! Happy 4th.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Ed Turns 21! I Feel Dirty...

Posted by: Jen


Awww look at that. Sometimes I feel like he thinks he really IS Chuck Bass.

Our boy Ed turned 21 this weekend and threw his birthday party at TAO in Vegas. Of course he did, and let me tell you that is a far cry from how I spent my 21st birthday, guzzling liquid cocaine shots at the end of the bar where I worked while the kitchen crew cheered me on. Though I am more of a Nate girl, I still feel kind of dirty and OLD when I swoon over Chuck's general bad boy awesomeness (stop reminding me he is a potential rapist, I DON'T CARE). Oh well, at least I have thought about and considered my sketchiness. Unlike the millions of dudes that had a countdown going for the Olsen twins' 18th birthday.